Is she playing me?

[Cray jay]

I frequent this bar a lot and noticed this one waitress. For the first few months she just did her job and no signs at all. One day I got drunk and started to stare into her eyes when asking her for a drink or something. She would stare back awhile then giggle and look away. Over time I noticed she would bring up things that she noticed about me and linger around a little longer than normal. One day she came by and brushed her hand on my hair intentionally looked at me and giggled. She would also compliment me in front of my other friends, who go with me just as often. One day we ended up singing a duet together of "I think I want to marry u" by Bruno Mars which she chose the song and would point at me even with my friends there. I finally gathered up enough courage to ask for her number and found out later it was the wrong number. She might have been a bit drunk and it was a really busy night as I could see that she was running around. Lastly she would never ask me to buy her a drink. She does ask me to buy her coworker/friend a drink though if the bar is dead and the other isn't going to make any money. She even offered to give me money to pay for her friends drink. Is she really interested or just playing me? I notice she doesn't seem to do anything remotely close to this with the other customers

[Wakeup]

Did you tell her you called her but you were too drunk and took down the wrong number? If you didn't, why didn't you.

[Cray jay]

I didn't yet. I'm going today to find out. Also she may have been drunk when I have her my phone and she typed it in. Also she was in a rush since it was very busy so I she was literally running around

[TheEvilJester]

It's honestly hard to tell based just on that. I think if I were you, I'd sort of interpret those signs as her being interested as well, so I don't think you were foolish to think she was. All the same, it could just be that she is doing the whole waitress thing and hoping you will give better tips if she flirts a little. I guess the only way you can really know is to follow up with it. As Wakeup said, maybe tell her you tried to call but must have taken the number down wrong. It could be possible that she did give you the wrong number by mistake, or it could be possible it was intentional. If she wasn't interested, she really should have just been honest with you, but sometimes people find that hard to do. Try again, and if she continues to reject you (whether indirectly or directly) that will tell you all you need to know. If she doesn't show interest, don't keep trying for too long. Don't waste your time.

[Wakeup]

I didn't yet. I'm going today to find out. Also she may have been drunk when I have her my phone and she typed it in. Also she was in a rush since it was very busy so I she was literally running around

Well, after you ask her today, let us know what she does/says because the answer will depend on how to respond to your thread title.

[Nicolelong]

I worked at a nightclub for a few years, and it's pretty common for guys to hit on you and try to get your number, especially since, naturally, they've been drinking. I hate to say it... but you get WAY better tips if you flirt with your customers or lead them to believe they have a connection with you. It's standard fare to hide that you have a boyfriend, flirt, lead on, and then give a wrong number or excuse as to why you can't hang out after your shift. When she's asking you to buy her friend's drinks that's a big hint... even though she then offers to pay for their drinks- come on now. If she was intending to pay for them, why would she ask you then? She would have put it on her tab and paid it off at the end of the shift. She offered because she knew darn well you'd insist on paying.

She gave you a fake number to blow you off politely but keep you as a customer. I would definitely not get your hopes up. If it really was a misspelled phone number, she will make the move to ask why you didn't call, or will reference the situation, make a joke, etc.

I hope this doesn't come off as rude, it's just the way I have dealt with this in the past, and know this is really common in the nightclub industry

[Cray jay]

I actually ended up taking a different approach. I figured no matter what, I should let her come to me but make it incredibly easy going. Last thing a girl wants is to be put in an awkward situation, from what I hear. I just ended up going to the bar with a couple of new friends that she hasn't seen before including one of my attractive female friends. I noticed at first when my guy friend and I went in originally that she was VERY distant. She wouldn't even acknowledge my presence and just walk by even though I caught her eyes sideway glance at me. After my friend and I went into a room and the other waitress would only come around. I cracked jokes with the waitress and kinda showed that I was having fun and somehow managed to state that I'm the kind of guy that takes his time to learn about the someone before commiting. After one of my friends heard them talking outside about what we were joking about. Then she came into the room to check in on us and I made sure to smile at her and look at her the same way I always did. She began to smile too. I also made sure that the way i was sitting in the booth was to have a decent distance from my girl friend so it is obvious there is nothing there and called her sister. I also started making some jokes in which she started to laugh a lot and joke back. After, I noticed my girl friend would attempt to talk to her in which they seemed to get along very well. She started to come around our room very often after and we would make eye contact and smile at each other the same way it used to be. My girl friend then mentioned to her that i said she is a good singer and should sing a song with us. (i was trying to make it noticeable that i talk about her to my friend). She was hesitant (she doesn't think she can sing) but eventually obliged and we sang the same bruno mars song in which my girl friend shared a mic with my guy friend and the girl i want was already beside me sharing a mic with me. She wasn't as flirty though this time, but it could be because she doesn't know my other friends that well. My girl friend then proceeded to the bar to pay for the bill in which we were fighting over it in front of the girl i want. She ended up taking my friend's money. In the end, my friends were leaving and my girl friend and i were talking outside. I eventually got her to come back in and do a shot and i bought the girl i want a shot as well. As i paid for the bill and began to leave she yelled bye to me and waved, so i waved back and said bye with a smile. I know i didn't solve anything but at least it isn't awkward now. Also, i felt by the way she was earlier that night, it may not be a good time. Haha

- - - Updated - - -

Good to know. My biggest kicker is that she only does this to me even with my friends around that come with me regularly. Even though it is known i don't always catch the bill and i've always tipped nicely being a waiter before. I've been to other bars before and I know their game, so i always tip nicely and flirting with me doesn't increase the tip. I actually hang out with some of them even after they stop working at the bars just as friends. It is pretty much a standard percentage of 20-25% depending on how much i don't feel like doing math lol. Also, we did hang out once after her shift with a bunch of her coworkers and a friend of mine. Sadly i was way too drunk to know wtf was going on. Lol but after that night, that's when she got close.

[TheEvilJester]

I get what you mean about not wanting to put her in an awkward situation. The thing is, though, it didn't and won't give you any answers if you don't try asking her out again. So, I think you either need to decide just to let it go, and either she will follow-up with you or not, or you need to just ask her out once and for all and go from there.

From the follow-up story you shared above, I sort of lean towards thinking she intentionally gave you a fake number just hoping you'd never follow-up or would take the hint. The initial awkwardness, by my guess, would be her sort of wanting to avoid you, but then by acting normal you put her somewhat at ease.

BUT.... that is only speculation on my part. It could also be that the initial awkwardness was her thinking "What the Hell? I gave this guy my number. Why hasn't he called me?" Then, again, you acting somewhat normal put her at ease and she warmed back up a bit.

I do kind of lean towards the former rather than the latter (especially given Nicole's input), but either is possible. You won't really know unless you go for it. Or, if you feel it may be best, just decide to forget asking her out and just consider her a pleasant bartender to see/talk to when you go to this particular bar. If that is the case, let her she pursue you if she is interested, otherwise just leave it at that.

Good luck to you either way. I wish we didn't live in a world where people felt it was necessary to play games like this, but I guess if experience tells them they make more money if they flirt a little, then it would be hard for anybody not to make doing so a habit. Money talks, after all.

[Wakeup]

You didn't want to put her in an awkward position? What if she thinks she gave you the right number and you're too lame to have used it?

The thing is, though, it didn't and won't give you any answers if you don't try asking her out again. So, I think you either need to decide just to let it go, and either she will follow-up with you or not, or you need to just ask her out once and for all and go from there.

I agree with this^^^^ Everything else is just fluff and mirrors.

[Cray jay]

Yeah I know what u guys r talking about. Thanks for the input! Im definitely going to ask her out to find out. Also the way I saw her look at me definitely seemed more anger as opposed to weirded out. Plus she did punch me and blame me for something that wasn't my fault that night playfully but yet had some power behind it lol. I'm going to be hopeful and actually give her my number and put the ball on her court. Thanks all for the input!

[Rebeccaa]

Definitely agree, just ask her out and end the speculation and the what if's. She obviously enjoys your company from the way you have described things so it shouldn't be too big a deal. She could be wondering why you haven't called, hence the coldness initially when you saw here again. As you were being friendly she decided she could let her guard down.

She is probably doing the same what is happening thing that you are doing.

Don't put the ball in her court. Just ask her out, plain and simple.

[TheEvilJester]

Not sure how I feel about putting the ball in her court vs. just asking her out again, so I won't comment specifically on that. I will say, though, that I would think at least doing something would probably be best. Again, I get how you feel about not wanting to make her feel awkward. I also get Nicole's point from her personal experience. All the same, though, it isn't like you are just any random weirdo asking out the hot bartender. You legitimately thought you two got along well, and from what you've told us, you do seem friendly with each other. So, even if it does turn out she isn't interested in dating you, I still can't see why it would have to be awkward. All you can do is to do your best not to be the one to make it awkward and hopefully she will feel at ease as well.

Maybe it will turn out she was trying to politely blow you off, and at that point you should take the hint if that is the case and not try to keep bugging her thinking maybe she'll eventually say yes. But, if you don't bother to try and it turns out she WAS interested, wouldn't you be kicking yourself if you missed your chance because of an assumption?

[Cray jay]

Not sure how I feel about putting the ball in her court vs. just asking her out again, so I won't comment specifically on that. I will say, though, that I would think at least doing something would probably be best. Again, I get how you feel about not wanting to make her feel awkward. I also get Nicole's point from her personal experience. All the same, though, it isn't like you are just any random weirdo asking out the hot bartender. You legitimately thought you two got along well, and from what you've told us, you do seem friendly with each other. So, even if it does turn out she isn't interested in dating you, I still can't see why it would have to be awkward. All you can do is to do your best not to be the one to make it awkward and hopefully she will feel at ease as well.

Maybe it will turn out she was trying to politely blow you off, and at that point you should take the hint if that is the case and not try to keep bugging her thinking maybe she'll eventually say yes. But, if you don't bother to try and it turns out she WAS interested, wouldn't you be kicking yourself if you missed your chance because of an assumption?

Thanks for all the information! It helped. I come to find out she has been hiding a bf from me. She could have told me, which wouldn't have made things awkward at all. I hung out with her and her coworkers this past weekend and she had to leave. I actually overheard her coworker grabbing the girl and saying "wtf r u doing?!" when she was going to leave and they went outside for a little bit. Sadly, i went to the bathroom and my friend that was with me heard from her coworker's bf that she has a jealous type bf. I figure she was hiding this from me because she liked the attention i was giving her. I feel like a dumb fool, but this tends to happen whenever i take too long. I overthink to disastrous outcomes. I'm just going to revert back to my *i don't care i ask anything* self. Once again thank you all for your input.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, then if you ask me it doesn't sound to me like you waited too long, or did anything wrong, really. You thought you liked this girl, thought she seemed to get along with you as well, and figured why not go for it. So, apparently she had a boyfriend, yet gave you her number anyway. Now, maybe it was an intentionally fake number or maybe she meant to actually give you her number, but the bottom line is she apparently has a boyfriend, yet instead of just telling you that, figured she'd lead you on.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but wouldn't it have actually been a lot less awkward if he just said to you "Oh, thank you so much, but I actually have a boyfriend." I am sure there are some creepers out there who wouldn't let that stop them from still trying, but I'd think more often than not, that would deter anybody from pursuing it further. I just don't get this world we live in anymore that people seem to think it is okay to lead people on, or even blatantly act like they are interested just to blow the person off. When did we, as a society either become A) too cowardly to just do the difficult but honest thing or B) become such psychos that good people feel forced to do bad things for fear that an outright rejection will cause some kind of escalating situation?

I mean, getting rejected sucks, but there are nice ways to do it and there are appropriate ways to react when it happens. No need to be an a-hole to each other, yet at the same time I simply do not get this whole culture of fake niceties that only wind up being much more hurtful than an outright rejection. Hell, if nothing else, does it not make common logical sense that if you lead somebody on, at least for a little while they are going to keep trying? In other words, wouldn't it be much more constructive toward your end goal to just be honest in the first place if you aren't interested in somebody?

UGH! I think I was born into the wrong time period.

[Cray jay]

Well, then if you ask me it doesn't sound to me like you waited too long, or did anything wrong, really. You thought you liked this girl, thought she seemed to get along with you as well, and figured why not go for it. So, apparently she had a boyfriend, yet gave you her number anyway. Now, maybe it was an intentionally fake number or maybe she meant to actually give you her number, but the bottom line is she apparently has a boyfriend, yet instead of just telling you that, figured she'd lead you on.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but wouldn't it have actually been a lot less awkward if he just said to you "Oh, thank you so much, but I actually have a boyfriend." I am sure there are some creepers out there who wouldn't let that stop them from still trying, but I'd think more often than not, that would deter anybody from pursuing it further. I just don't get this world we live in anymore that people seem to think it is okay to lead people on, or even blatantly act like they are interested just to blow the person off. When did we, as a society either become A) too cowardly to just do the difficult but honest thing or B) become such psychos that good people feel forced to do bad things for fear that an outright rejection will cause some kind of escalating situation?

I mean, getting rejected sucks, but there are nice ways to do it and there are appropriate ways to react when it happens. No need to be an a-hole to each other, yet at the same time I simply do not get this whole culture of fake niceties that only wind up being much more hurtful than an outright rejection. Hell, if nothing else, does it not make common logical sense that if you lead somebody on, at least for a little while they are going to keep trying? In other words, wouldn't it be much more constructive toward your end goal to just be honest in the first place if you aren't interested in somebody?

UGH! I think I was born into the wrong time period.

I completely agree with you. My understanding of how this works is she gave me a fake number since her jealous bf probably checks her phone or something. Also that she didn't tell me just for attention she probably doesn't get from her bf. She's just in a shitty situation most likely and too scared to get out of it, so she finds ways to cope by using others. Pretty shitty in my book but i've seen it before.

Yeah, i don't know why people do what they do. I don't want to live on this planet anymore lol. On the bright side, as minimal as this is, the coworker/friend bought me and my friend a shot. I think she sees us as friends now instead of mainly customers. Also invites us out to hang out when they are done working.