Girl trouble...

[Asip4u]

I'm new here and need some advice on this issue. Usually i'm fairly good at knowing what to do but i'm stuck in this situation. I'm 24 and mostly go on dates, haven't been serious with a girl in over 4 years. Few weeks ago, I went out for drinks with this girl i met through a friend of mine. I should note that we talked for a few weeks, mostly online, before she decided that we should meet. So we met at a bar and talked for a few hours, everything was great. I noticed she paid attention and seemed very interested.

I acted like a fool (not deliberately) but that's just because she was not like anyone I ever met before. There was this pressure on me where I felt like I had to put on a performance and that just wasn't me. The reason I say that I acted like a fool is because she asked me to try the dessert with her and I didn't. Later on when it was about time for us to go home, she asked me to come inside and meet her parents, i made an excuse and didn't do that either. I saw her in public a few times after that and even when we talked, things just didn't seem the same way.

So after all this time, I was told (not directly by her, rather by someone who's very close to her) that there was nothing going on even from the beginning. I accept that if it is the truth, somehow though, I find that it may not be. Is it possible she was just being overfriendly when we went out for drinks? do you think she felt something at the beginning and my attitude was a big turn off so she decided to give up? I have a feeling she wants to be friends with me but it's bothering me not to know whether she truly felt something and I don't know if I can get the truth out of her now. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Cybog]

Uh, what is stopping you from calling her?

I don't care what planet you are from, but if the chick you take out on a date is already asking you to come in and "meet the parents" on your first date, something is out of ordinary.

Talk to this broad and find if she wants to go out again sometime. If she says no, no big loss. If she says yes, good for you. It's not like this is the girl you are going to run off with and marry tomorrow.

Dating has its ups and downs. Sometime you meet chicks that you just "click" with, and some, while you think things might be going good, they don't. Oh well. It's all part of dating. The absolute best thing you can do is find out what her feelings are for yourself. Ask her out again if you really want to, and see what she says. If she says no, then tough shit. Move on.

[Asip4u]

"I don't care what planet you are from, but if the chick you take out on a date is already asking you to come in and "meet the parents" on your first date, something is out of ordinary."

Agree!

"Talk to this broad and find if she wants to go out again sometime. If she says no, no big loss. If she says yes, good for you. It's not like this is the girl you are going to run off with and marry tomorrow."

I called her a few times, every time i do she makes up some sort of excuse....meaning, NO I WONT GO OUT WITH YOU....Which is fine by me but I did want to find out whether she liked me at the beginning and I think she is lying about it now...otherwise I have no clue why she would ask me to meet her parents and share food during our time together...You dont' do that with someone you're NOT into.

[Fyesteema4]

Why do you care? If she's making up excuses, it looks like you already blew "it." If you really want to know, say straight up "I feel like I kinda acted like an ass when we hung out, were you into me before that? If so, we should hang out again."
Good luck!

[Asip4u]

You're right, i should do that...At this point I have a feeling she just wants to stay friends so if nothing else does happen i'm fine with it.

[mhussain]

why wouldnt u go in and meet her parents ..... ?

Hussain

[Cybog]

Ok, maybe some cultures are different, but in the U.S. that's a big step. Something you do after you have known each other for awhile. Definitely not something you do on a first date normally.

[mhussain]

then that begs the question as to why would she invite him in ?

Hussain

[shh!]

If she's living at home with her parents, I would guess she's not very old. It could be something the girl's parents require. I would expect to meet whomever it is my daughter thinks she will be dating until she is a full-fledged adult.

[Cybog]

My daughter would not be allowed to "date" until she is 35. All you damn perverts out there.

[Asip4u]

I couldn't get on the forum for like hours...anyone else had that problem? Anyways, to answer the question about parents...Cybog mentioned about it being the first date and all...that's exactly why i didn't want to go inside...it was more of a respect for her parents type of thing...I consider that to be disrespectful if you go inside after just going out one time. Anyone else think this was the right thing to do?

[shh!]

I couldn't get on the forum for like hours...anyone else had that problem? Anyways, to answer the question about parents...Cybog mentioned about it being the first date and all...that's exactly why i didn't want to go inside...it was more of a respect for her parents type of thing...I consider that to be disrespectful if you go inside after just going out one time. Anyone else think this was the right thing to do?

Why would it be disrespectful?

[Asip4u]

Well, in certain cultures it's considered rude and to me I find it rude as well..I've seen a lot of guys go in and meet the parents for the first time and they're acting like they own the place. Father of one girl was very pissed and never allowed the daughter to date him again. That's why it's better if it happens when two people know each other more. Parental approval isn't everything but it is important.

[bluesummer]

I couldn't get on the forum for like hours...anyone else had that problem? Anyways, to answer the question about parents...Cybog mentioned about it being the first date and all...that's exactly why i didn't want to go inside...it was more of a respect for her parents type of thing...I consider that to be disrespectful if you go inside after just going out one time. Anyone else think this was the right thing to do?

I don't see it as being disrespectful......when I was still living at home, my parents wouldn't let me out of the house unless they had at least seen the guys face.....I think that's just responsible parenting. I personally would not let my daughter just go out with some guy that I had never seen or met, I mean, it's all about safety. If she felt the same way, you may have offended her or her parents.

As for your behaviour during the date.....first impressions are pretty big. If she wasn't 'really' interested in you to begin with, any wrong move could of been the thing that turned the situation out of your favor.

[shh!]

Well, in certain cultures it's considered rude and to me I find it rude as well..I've seen a lot of guys go in and meet the parents for the first time and they're acting like they own the place. Father of one girl was very pissed and never allowed the daughter to date him again. That's why it's better if it happens when two people know each other more. Parental approval isn't everything but it is important.

In what culture would it be considered rude? I don't know of any. In fact, I'd say that in most cultures, the guy wouldn't stand a chance if he didn't pass the parent test. Western societies are a little more lenient in that area, to be sure, but I can't imagine why it would be rude to say hello to the parents under ANY circumstance (assuming you don't act like an ass, of course).

Ahh, well - in any case it is too late now. Next time, I really think you ought to say hello and make polite small talk for a few minutes. It'll make a good impression on both the girl AND the parents. Either that, or date women who live on their own so the parents are not an issue for a while.