whats changed, has he fallen out of love or is he cheating

[hswindell]

ok here goes, ive been married for 14 years, I have 4 children one is blood. all the children are no longer at home. my husband was told by his doctor he could not go back into the same field of work due to health reasons that was 7 years ago, he has not worked since. I have supported him 100 percent ssi turned him down. up until six months ago, he treated me as an equal and a queen, and I treated him the same. lately he acks as if he is the ruler of the universe and I am lower than low. he treats the car dog and his video games better than he treats me I have not changed the way I treat him. however he calls me a spoiled selfish stuck up bitch. and says I am being mean to him all the time. I know menopause has kicked in and my emotions make me feel like im going crazy but I try very hard not to snap at him. I have people I don't know in my community telling me its okay, honey we all see whats going on, this confuses me. I am at the point I have moved into another room. and don't even talk or look at him any more, when I do try to talk about my feelings he blows up and starts screaming yelling and throwing things. what has changed

[basilandthyme]

We can't tell you why he's changed. But we can tell you that his behaviour is unacceptable. Time to lay down some rules - basically, if he can't behave - then he needs to leave.

Also, why is he not working and why are you supporting him? I know that he can't go back to the same field, but surely he could train in another field!

[hswindell]

I have tried to get him to but he refuses, his excuse is the public most other jobs he would have to deal with the public, and he thinks he would get fired or whatever by yelling back at a customer who yells at him

[Showmesomelove]

Never acceptable to behave like that!

I agree, tell him to sort himself out and show a little gratitude for your hard work or take a hike.

[hswindell]

so I after two days of not talking a sleeping in separate rooms I attempted to have a civil conversation about my job what I did tonight, he would not look at me, or respond to me acted completely disinterested, seemed to would have rather be playing his video games. would look at floor the dog and the tv but not me

[woody]

Yes, his coping skills are lacking. Sounds like he's projecting his own low feelings onto you. He's been out of work for years, probably feels like somewhat of a loser who drains your energy and this may be his attempt to push you away so you stop wasting your time on the likes of him.
OR, he's really an asshole who can no longer hide his true colours. Something has switched in him and this is who he is now.
So, either way you need to evaluate your own levels of what you will and what you will not put up with and then, hold to it, follow through. Life is precious. Every day.

[Wakeup]

The only thing that's changed is the fact that menopause is causing you to not be so laid back about being the chief, cook and bottle washer while he wiles away his hours in luxury.

His behaviour is not acceptable but what, if anything can you do to change him. Nothing at this point because he's had 7 years of living like a king while you handled everything. Get to your doctor for a check on your hormone levels, see if you would benefit from being on Hormone Replacement Therapy. Then, either get some help in learning how to cope or leave the silly bastard and start living it up, sweetheart.

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[Rebeccaa]

It's pretty hard to communicate with a person who will not communicate. Until he is willing to do that or at least have a civil conversation you are in a tough place. Could it be that he is depressed? Living the life he has for the last few years does sound demoralising. Is this something you could talk about with a friend or doctor?

In the meantime, you need to look after you, emotionally, so you may have to pretty well ignore him (not stop caring) and carry on with your life. If you are going out, invite him but if he ignores you or doesn't answer, go anyway. Does he have male friends? What do they think about what is happening? Has he cut other people off or is it just you? Quite a few things to think about and questions to answer.

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[CaseySp]

There could be so many reasons and you are right - he might have lost feelings or he might be cheating. I wrote an article about this, see the link in my sig.

[starbar]

what makes you think he could be cheating? Is he spending more time than usual outside the home, or being secretive with his phone or computer?

If you are unhappy and hes unwilling to communicate or take steps to try and fix things then maybe you should consider kicking him out. hes taking advantage and his behavior towards you is abusive and hurtful.

[basilandthyme]

old thread

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