Need Some Real Advice...Please+ThankYou?

[kitty93]

My bf and I have been together for quite some time and I moved in with him and his family a year ago.we've always had a rocky relationship full of drama and fighting. Recently though, our relationship has gotten better I think maybe because I just put up with the things that he does instead of getting angry like I used to. But I decided a few months ago that I no longer wanted to be with him because he lies to me too much he does things behind my back and doesnt tell me, I have to find out myself. He doesnt want to do much with me and gets angry and stressed easily. And i figured thats not what I want in a relationship. Also I cant stand his family much either (ive had things stolen from me and theyre not very welcoming) BUT...I have a job I really like and go to a nice school out here and now im confused as to whether I should leave because I do love him and want a better future for us and im wondering if a break will help us. If I do leave im moving 30-40 mins away. Also I dont know whether I should really leave or not because hes pleading with me to stay and tells me that in a few months we can get a place together and move out and claims that "he'll change". Please help with some advice on what to do and if you think a break is a good idea or not because I am stuck :|

[basilandthyme]

Ok, before ending things and moving out, you need to talk with him. Tell him that you're considering leaving and cite the reasons why. Have you done this yet? If so, does he acknowledge the problems? And what does he do to fix them?

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I'd echo basil's thoughts here. Obviously if you don't talk about it, how is he supposed to know anything is wrong? IF the issues are things that could very well be improved/corrected, then what is the harm in giving you both that chance? So, that, I guess, is your first course of action. Think really hard about what all the issues are that are causing you to want to leave him. Are they big enough (either each issues on their own, or all of them as a whole) that you think they are worth ending the relationship? Are they things you think could possibly be fixed, or do you think it is very unlikely they'll ever change?

These are questions you need to be able to answer for yourself before you proceed. After all, if you don't think they are likely to ever change, then maybe it isn't worth putting yourself through the torment of trying.

Though, things don't just magically change without actually putting in some effort. So, if his saying that he can change in an indication that you've already had these discussions with him, then it seems obvious he's done nothing to change yet. People seem to think there is some magic spell that will fix things, like, for example, his thought that getting a place of your own will make things better. Things don't work like that. Sure, that will solve the problems you have that are directly because of your current living situation (such as his disrespectful family no longer being as big of a problem since you no longer live with them) but it won't magically fix any problems you two may have that had nothing to do with that.

Good luck to you either way.