Past issues..

[JadenMia]

I used to come on here a lot 4 years ago. I was at the end of a long abusive relationship and pretty lost.
Fast forward to now I have met an amazing man who has never mistreated me in any way and has given me everything I ever wished for in life.
We have kids, we are happy and just generally a great relationship.
He knows about my previous relationship and understands when I flinch if he raises his voice or if I apologize profusely if do something wrong.
I am still in therapy, he has joined my therapy session before and I felt we were making progress.
He works away for 2 weeks on and 1 at home..
He usually calls me every night by 6pm after work, and it got to 7pm with nothing so I called him. No answer. Got to 10pm and nothing! I went absolutely crazy, I managed to talk myself into believing he was leaving me and the kids and that I would never talk to him again, that it had all been too good to be true, I called him over and over, text him pleading to just not leave me in the dark..
I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat.. All I did all night was cry.
He called at 6am quite confused and said he had fallen asleep and left his phone in truck..
He seemed honestly quite upset that I truly thought he had left us, he was hurt, he also laughed because he was that surprised and now today I feel absolutely stupid...
How was I SO irrational to think that I was never going to see or talk to him again..
We have been together for years with a house, family..

Is this irrational fear of being abandoned and mistreated stuck with me for life!? I'm frankly quite concerned that after months of therapy, years of time passing that I still can act this way.
Sometimes I'm not sure that I'm meant to be with anybody anymore.. I love him and truly know that he wouldn't hurt me like that, but it's constantly nagging at me that he could cheat, could leave, could fall out of love. I'm so scared to lose him that I'm not enjoying the present.

Any advice? Tips? I know I need to talk to my therapist. I see her every 3 weeks, but I'm not sure that it is helping all that much .. I don't even know if iv seen much improvement at all.

[Wakeup]

If you don't think you've seen much improvement at all with this therapist then I think it's time you found a new one. Don't feel that you are abandoning her by trying to find someone who you mesh with better and who will help you more efficiently.

You are not being psychotic by being concerned that a loved one that has a pattern of calling you every night when he is away, suddenly does not call or respond to attempts at reaching him. I for one wouldn't think he had abandoned me but rather that he was dead or hurt and unable to respond. Perhaps you need guidance on being able to refocusing off of YOUR self and what is possibly going to happen to YOU if things go south and rather start thinking about others and whether or not they're is reason to worry about their safety. (????)

FWIW: Glad to hear you're now with a man that by all accounts seems like a good guy.

[eve.ashley]

change therapists.

[JadenMia]

Thankyou both for the reply.

I had a choice between my therapist and another male therapist, that is all that is covered in my health care..
I didn't feel comfortable sharing things with the male therapist so I switched to her. I REALLY like her. I feel better every time I have seen her, and I do feel in some places there is progress. For my breakdowns of anxiety all she seems to ask me to do is do my square breathing.. And it's my breakdowns that I seem to have issues with.. I opted for no medication but now I'm wondering if that was a bad idea.
To be honest, It was a tad phsycotic.. I called over and over. And At first I did panic that something had happened to him especially since he works in the oilfield.. But after hours of thinking, he had text me once after he got back to camp so what could have happened walking down a corridor.. So I automatically thought he was leaving me.
I just don't know what the hell I was thinking!! It seems totally crazy to me.. And that scares me the most.

[Wakeup]

Well, just discuss what happened to you when he didn't respond and go over it with her. Ask her for ways to self-sooth while you wait it out.

You've been through a lot in the past so it's going to take some time to learn skills that will take you away from distructive thoughts. It thinks it's rather normal that we all would be wondering why he wasn't returning your attempts at contact... some strange things can go through our minds when that happens so we all try to do things that help us to self-sooth (like change the subject of him in your mind to something else, do something for yourself that you enjoy that will keep your mind busy and away from your fears/worry).

You're doing good... you'll figure it out.

[Gabrielle777]

No therapist will make you change only you can change yourself. They can help you dig deep to help you find a way to cope yourself but they are your feelings..your pain.. Your problem...your solution. It's unfair to blame the therapist for what's inside you. A hundred therapists can't find that but you can with guidance from them. It will take a long time and I understand the panic you feel, don't feel stupid, your feelings are real and through time you will realise you deserve happiness...just take the first step..you don't have to see the whole staircase for now...