Will someone PLEASE help me..broken hearted and emotionally damaged..confused.

[DJohnnyB]

I have dated this girl for 3 years. We were so in love and we still are I think. We broke up because I went through a bad phase where life was just hitting me hard. Stressed from school and family and I always had an attitude I didnt treat her how I used to. She got a new boyfriend like a day afyer we broke up. Not her type at ALL. Trust me, hes so dumb and has no future, complete white trash We btoke up a month ago.
Anyway she emailed me after like a week or 2 of no talking at all. We caught up and she says stuff like "oh do you feel empty...I do sometimes", "when I hear sad songs I think of you and us...when things remind me of you I get sad", her boyfriend asked her out to some expensive ball and she said she thought about how I would have done it like asked her, she said when we talk it fills in a whole in her heart, she keeps saying she has so much stuff that she wants and needs to tell me. We even are wanting to move onto the same college (transfer) next year or atleast she tells me the one she is tranferring to would be a good fit for me after junior college, constantly says people dont understand us or the situation.
Here is where I'm afraid I messed up, getting too friendly and sending emails back. Being there for her you know? I want to get her back and her new boyfriend treats her like crap sometimes she even says when she has anxiety attacks he yells at her, I would never do that to her. I sent her a huge email that told her not to let him control her and that she was beautiful and deserved the best. She texted me back about how much she appreciated me and would take into mind what I told her and that it brought her to tears. She complained about stuff she hates about him and then she says but "sometimes he treats me well". Honestly Im just confused. I havent contacted her back Its been 2 days. I feel like shes getting too comfortable with me and she will get used to it and fall into a "oh he needs me whatever hes still here" phase. I made it seem like I'm extremely happy and moved on and that I'm doing my thing with MULTIPLE girls lol just so she won't think I'm needy. Should I go with no contact...I need advice. I do want her back. Idk if I should continue to email her...

[eve.ashley]

you being there for her is a good thing, not a bad one.

stop making it seem like you are playing the field, loving someone and being there for them is not needy, it's actually a good thing.

why don't you simply do what you want, and not what's safe.

if fighting for her is what you want, then tell her she is better off with you, and you will be her friend and there for her till she realizes that.

dude, that is not needy, it's assertive...

there is not guarantee she will pick you over the new guy, who, in all fairness we only know from your reports...
but you will regret more things you haven't done, than the ones you have done...as they say.

you can always be brokenhearted and get over her, but now is the time to fight for her...

her relationship doesn't sound too healthy, if you had to write an email in which you ask her not to let him control her, so....she might well be better off with you...

do not go down without a fight...

oh i just realized that she has an panic attack and he yells at her. ..i thought it was his panic attack...


this dude sounds bad, tell her that. for her own sake...

[DJohnnyB]

you being there for her is a good thing, not a bad one.

stop making it seem like you are playing the field, loving someone and being there for them is not needy, it's actually a good thing.

why don't you simply do what you want, and not what's safe.

if fighting for her is what you want, then tell her she is better off with you, and you will be her friend and there for her till she realizes that.

dude, that is not needy, it's assertive...

there is not guarantee she will pick you over the new guy, who, in all fairness we only know from your reports...
but you will regret more things you haven't done than the ones you have done...

you can always be brokenhearted and get over her, but now is the time to fight for her...

her relationship doesn't sound too healthy, if you had to write an email in whihc you ask her not to let him control her, so....she might well be better off with you...

do not go down without a fight...

oh i just realized that she has an panic attack and he yells at her. ..i thought it was his panic attack...


this dude sounds bad, tell her that. for her own sake...

Thank you for replying. I know you only know him from my reports but I would never lie about someone to make me feel better. She never shows her skin and he gets mad at her for it...like what kind of douche are you? Hes just pretty much a jerk and white trash everyone knows he is (small town). But what I meant is like if I keep contacting her do you think she will get used to me and not miss me anymore? From what she says it sounds like she misses me but I don't want to even bring it up

[eve.ashley]

yah, i too realized that dude really sounds bad.
i think getting used to you is a good thing, that means you are there for her...

i'm not sure why men dread being the reliable man in some girls life. (a friend)

reliable does not equal boring or un sexy...quite contrary, it can be very attractive...

the way i see it, she can only realize that from how you keep contacting her, and what you keep saying, that you care and that you are a better choice for a bf...

it doesn't mean you have to put up with or agree with her choices, but do not fade away either...

please, just be honest and don't pretend to be having things going on with women, if you don't....

mature people are not looking for games, but honesty and intimacy,and if she isn't that mature right now, help her get there...

good luck darling....

help her realize that you will be a better bf than last time around...

[Wakeup]

She will never want you back like you were as long as she is with him and you continue to be her emotional tampon.

Next time she calls you to complain about him tell her: "Then leave him and when you do, give me a call and we can talk about getting back together if I'm still single."

You should not give up your own emotional best interests only to end up being her girlfriend with dangly bits. As long as she is with HIM, then you should let her have him.

Did you break up with her or did she break up with you and, have you fixed what was causing you all the stress that led you to not treating her well?

[DJohnnyB]

She will never want you back like you were as long as she is with him and you continue to be her emotional tampon.

Next time she calls you to complain about him tell her: "Then leave him and when you do, give me a call and we can talk about getting back together if I'm still single."

You should not give up your own emotional best interests only to end up being her girlfriend with dangly bits. As long as she is with HIM, then you should let her have him.

Did you break up with her or did she break up with you and, have you fixed what was causing you all the stress that led you to not treating her well?

Yeah I fixed everything I really worked on myself of hope we would get back together. It was a mutual break up, but then I was devastated because she got a boyfriend so fast but says things like she feels empty and everything that reminds her of me makes her sad. Thats why I'm confused. Maybe if he was a good guy I would feel better, but hes really a piece of crap and uses every girl hes ever known for sex. I get what you say about the tampon thing haha nice one, but idk how to bring myself to stop making sure shes alright and protecting her you know.

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yah, i too realized that dude really sounds bad.
i think getting used to you is a good thing, that means you are there for her...

i'm not sure why men dread being the reliable man in some girls life. (a friend)

reliable does not equal boring or un sexy...quite contrary, it can be very attractive...

the way i see it, she can only realize that from how you keep contacting her, and what you keep saying, that you care and that you are a better choice for a bf...

it doesn't mean you have to put up with or agree with her choices, but do not fade away either...

please, just be honest and don't pretend to be having things going on with women, if you don't....

mature people are not looking for games, but honesty and intimacy,and if she isn't that mature right now, help her get there...

good luck darling....

help her realize that you will be a better bf than last time around...

Thank you again...you really are a great person for this. I couldn't thank you enough

[Wakeup]

Well, now that you've gotten solace in hearing what it is you want to hear, I'll pop back in with another dose of reality:

Please don't keep trying anything with her (or helping her get there) as long as she is with this other guy. You are opening yourself up to being emotionally pummelled if you keep giving to someone who is with someone else.

This isn't as if you were never with her and not already emotionally invested. You have been with her romantically and you are still very much emotionally invested while she just gives you lip service while NOT LEAVING THE OTHER GUY.

If he's such a piece of shit and she is always thinking of you then ask her to leave him. Trying to win her back while giving her all the emotional attention she needs while staying with him is just you being her emotional tampon and enabling her uncommitted reliance on you and your good nature.

idk how to bring myself to stop making sure shes alright and protecting her you know.

Google White Knight Syndrome and don't let yourself fall into THAT ism. If she wants to be back with you then she has to do the right thing and sever things with him. Love yourself enough to KNOW that much.

[Boisdevie]

She replaced you within 24 hours and yet you were all so much in love? Bullshit. And you want her back? Jeez man have some ****ing self respect. Go find some porn, knock one out and forget about her.

[eve.ashley]

Thanks man I appreciate it. I'll look into it.

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Yeah she replaced me in 24 hours with a white trash piece of shit that she hasn't even laid her lips on yet. I have self respect, I have other girls. I knock some out a couple nights of the week with a friend of hers actually. It's not that I can't forget about her, it's that she keeps contacting me saying all that bull shit and I always respond cause I have a "soft spot". I am "the biggest douche ever with the biggest heart" lol Idk how that works. But anyway I just get back to her because I feel bad For not responding not just to her but to anyone who contacts me. Maybe I should get her back by nailing and bailing.

well there you go, you have just solved the mystery of why you guys are no longer together.

you sound like a terrible person.

[DJohnnyB]

well there you go, you have just solved the mystery of why you guys are no longer together.

you sound like a terrible person.

Its sarcasm. Lol