kinda dating ???

[ellimity]

I've been seeing this guy for about 8 months and he takes me out every week or every other week, takes me to the movies, to dinner, we walk around town, go drive to the next city, we've had sex a few times, but he's never actually asked me out. When he introduced me to one his friends his friend called me his girlfriend and asks me to say i'm his girlfriend to others when I speak of us.
Another problem I have is we don't text much. He's busy a lot and doesn't get to respond. So I feel lonely a lot. but him being busy he hasn't actually seen me since christmas. he keeps saying he will. a few times he was but things came up like he got the flu or he didn't have enough money for gas to come over and get to work till pay day or I got really sick. its been a good month since I've been better and he said he'd see me soon but that's all he says....
I've also told him that I love him and care for him during a breakdown I had and he never responded back with it he just kinda shrugged it off and I told him it lately after some news I told him and he's all 'awe muah hugs and kisses baby'
he's really sweet and does a lot for me in person but when we're not actually together it's like i feel he doesn't really care for me all that much. but i dont really want to leave him cause i love him so much. it's hard...

[basilandthyme]

Hasn't seen you since Christmas? Wow, your relationship wouldn't even remotely meet my needs.

Time to move on hon. Find a guy who's actually got the time and inclination to have a relationship.

[ellimity]

Hasn't seen you since Christmas? Wow, your relationship wouldn't even remotely meet my needs.

Time to move on hon. Find a guy who's actually got the time and inclination to have a relationship.

yeah well lots of things have happened. on christmas his phone broke and it took a month till his carrier got him a new one then the above mentioned flu, lack of funds, and me getting really sick.. he said he wanted me to get better till he saw me again and so for like two weeks its been 'soon baby'
and it's not about your needs its about mine. i'm fine with not seeing him for a while cause i understand that his job makes him busy but its just everything put together that makes me question things even tho i just dont want to leave him ...

[basilandthyme]

You say that you're questioning "things". I think the only thing you should question is whether or not you are happy in the relationship and if you're getting your relationship needs met.

ARE you happy and getting your needs met? If you're fine with big gaps and a guy who you don't feel cares for you, then continue as you are. If not, you end it.

You're only 8 months in - still in the getting to know you stage. And you're now finding out exactly who he is.

[ellimity]

You say that you're questioning "things". I think the only thing you should question is whether or not you are happy in the relationship and if you're getting your relationship needs met.

ARE you happy and getting your needs met? If you're fine with big gaps and a guy who you don't feel cares for you, then continue as you are. If not, you end it.

You're only 8 months in - still in the getting to know you stage. And you're now finding out exactly who he is.

well its liek things were great when he would come see me every week or so things were really good and we were both happy but rn its just stressful and its making me depressed and during the time i was sick it was for a good month and i was off all my medicine and so i got really depressed so its like idk if half of me is just depressed missing him overanalyzing things or if he really is gone

[dontaskme]

Why do you want to settle in a half ass relationship? Are you content having a part time BF, that's if you can even call him that.

He's probably married and you are the "other woman".

Do you even live in the same town or is this a LDR?

[basilandthyme]

So he didn't bother with you the whole time you were sick. He didn't bring you food or just be with you as quiet company watching a video together at home?

Exactly why do you love him so much? What does he do to earn your love?

[ellimity]

Why do you want to settle in a half ass relationship? Are you content having a part time BF, that's if you can even call him that.

He's probably married and you are the "other woman".

Do you even live in the same town or is this a LDR?

no we live 30 minutes apart.
i've had more 'half ass' relationships in my past and this is something a lot more than them. I'm fine with not seeing them all the time as long as i get to talk to them often which i do so its ok. we use to see each other a lot but lately all the stuff that happened he just hasnt.

- - - Updated - - -

So he didn't bother with you the whole time you were sick. He didn't bring you food or just be with you as quiet company watching a video together at home?

Exactly why do you love him so much? What does he do to earn your love?

no i had some severe stomach bug and i asked him to come and he said he'd try but i ended up going to the hospital for some time which didnt do squat. i guess it takes us back to some time earlier when i really needed him before i got my meds and i was really depressed and it was late night and he was gonna come over but i took a bunch of sleeping pills and told him to go back cause i was just gonna fall asleep if he came and his friend told me he really hated me for that so i guess he just doesn't trust me for that so he doesn't want to waste his time coming here after work and going to the gym if i might just blow him off like that again ..... cause ive asked him to come over and stuff again and he just says like he wishes id feel better and kisses and hugs and misses me.

i have a hard time being attracted to people and hes one the few people i'm sexually, physically, and romantically attracted to and just being with him makes me feel great and i can just lay with him all day and do nothing and i'd be totally content and my heart flutters every kiss and touch and he's really a good man to me... i guess you could argue lately he isnt tho huh

[ellimity]

you knnow i've come to my own conclusion that i'm going to stay with him no matter what you guys have said. i appreciate it all but i know he likes me a lot and we can work things out and idk if we'll end up married one day but i know we'll be happy for a while so yeah sorry for wasting your time

[basilandthyme]

No, it's not a waste of time. If we've helped you figure out that you're happy and content with things, then it's a positive outcome

[Wakeup]

Two words to describe you, Elimity... "Fvck Buddy"


So? What is it... what do you do to keep yourself happy as a single who waits to get laid by a part time lover? That's an important question you should ask yourself because you are going to become even more issued, depressed, lonely, angst ridden scared and then relieved when he comes to service you again only for those horrible feelings to start all over again while you wait for your turn to get laid once again.

So... what kind of a full life do you have planned so you're too busy to feel angst ridden and lonely, depressed and scared like you have been for this entire casual, no strings attached arrangement?

[jmange22]

In all honesty he doesn't sound that into you at all. I casually date girls a lot, like in 2-3 months spurts and this just sounds textbook. I've used the broken phone excuse at least 3 times last year. I think you need to wake up and move on. When somebody cares about another person they make time. Nobody is so busy that they cant text at least, we live in the dawn of a technological revolution, people are always on their phones. He's just stringing you along and the only person who can put an end to it is you.

[ellimity]

Two words to describe you, Elimity... "Fvck Buddy"

That's what you are and you go on to say in your original post that you are lonely. You're hardly "content" but more like settling to be a part time lover.. which is all what you think you are worth if you're willing to go on with him when he makes you feel undervalued, lonely, missing him and all the other things you whine about him and this thing you have going on with him.

What are you going to do to keep you mind busy and your self content between getting laid? That is a very important question for you to consider because what you do (or the lack of doing anything) is what will keep you sane or break your spirit outright.

So? What is it... what do you do to keep yourself happy as a single who waits to get laid by a part time lover?

First off, we don't always have sex and we do a lot more things other THAN sex. I say I feel lonely cause well I've lost a lot of my friends and he's a busy man that doesn't really text a lot so yeah I feel pretty lonely cause I don't really have anyone to talk to and all my previous relationships have been really talky cause they were all highschool sans one who didn't have much of a job and played internet games with me all the time so we skyped constantly.
I really don't care about sex. Sex isn't important to me at all. It may be to him. I'm ok with it but I don't like go looking for when were gonna have sex again. I don't have to do anything to 'keep my mind busy' or 'self content' between getting laid cause I do what I do in my daily life and he's just apart of it he's not what it revolves around. I'm fine just going to the gym, playing with my dog, watching tv, and playing games and texting him until i get to see him.
it's not like i'm some stupid sex junky

[Wakeup]

It's not that you "need it all the time" its that you confuse his porking you with love when all it is is porking.

Are you getting professional help for your issues? I think if you were, your therapist wouldn't recommend you continue on with someone who clearly exacerbates your symptoms.

[dontaskme]

... he's a busy man that doesn't really text a lot...

Hmmm... I'm busy too but I still have time for my family, BF, friends, and loveforum.

No one is TOO busy that they can't see their significant others. Forget about texting, that is too mundane. There is nothing much better than having a face to face conversation and feeling the touch of a partner.

You can pacify all you want, the fact still remains that he's not into you as much as you want to believe "part time lover".