Husband prefers pornography to intercourse

[rrelf]

Posts don't need to be approved on here unless you once were a banned account name and back again and the website recognized the same ip, but even that seems off to me -- If you take too long to write a long reply the forum will log you out, so if you write long replies copy it and then paste it later when it logs you out and your reply gets lost. Same goes to the OP.

I'm new to this forum but I know for a fact that after I replied to this thread I received a message stating that the post needed to be approved. I'm guessing because of certain words that were added into my post. I'm not the only user having an issue posting to this thread. It's very frustrating to type a very long reply that doesn't get seen by anyone.

[ThatZombieQueen]

Thank you all for taking the time to answer my questions.
To answer some of yours:
Yes, he has always enjoyed porn. But as he gets older it seems to be the only thing he is interested in sexually. He watches lesbian porn, so I don't think it is because he wants to see a guy lol. Yes, we have 3 kids. We have been married for 2 years, but dated for a few years before that, as well as a couple years in high school. No, nothing medically that would make him think I am fragile, in fact I let him go crazy with me lol.
Another thing I wanted an opinion on: A few days ago we were talking and goofing off and I asked him what my rank would be in bed and he said an 8.5--Now I don't think I deserve a 10 just for being his wife, but when he has had less than 6 partners and he said they all suked in bed why woud I get this rating?
The last time I talked to him about everything I asked if it would be ok for me to just get off somewhere else and just have an open marriage and he said "If I cant, you cant." And I told him he could if that's what he wanted and he got so mad and we ended up fighting. I hate this.

[ThatZombieQueen]

Thank you all for taking the time to answer my questions.
To answer some of yours:
Yes, he has always enjoyed porn. But as he gets older it seems to be the only thing he is interested in sexually. He watches lesbian porn, so I don't think it is because he wants to see a guy lol. Yes, we have 3 kids. We have been married for 2 years, but dated for a few years before that, as well as a couple years in high school. No, nothing medically that would make him think I am fragile, in fact I let him go crazy with me lol.

[ThatZombieQueen]

Thank you all for taking the time to answer my questions.
To answer some of yours:
Yes, he has always enjoyed porn. But as he gets older it seems to be the only thing he is interested in sexually. He watches lesbian porn, so I don't think it is because he wants to see a guy lol. Yes, we have 3 kids. We have been married for 2 years, but dated for a few years before that, as well as a couple years in high school. No, nothing medically that would make him think I am fragile, in fact I let him go crazy with me lol.
Another thing I wanted an opinion on: A few days ago we were talking and goofing off and I asked him what my rank would be in bed and he said an 8.5--Now I don't think I deserve a 10 just for being his wife, but when he has had less than 6 partners and he said they all suked in bed why woud I get this rating?
The last time I talked to him about everything I asked if it would be ok for me to just get off somewhere else and just have an open marriage and he said "If I cant, you cant." And I told him he could if that's what he wanted and he got so mad and we ended up fighting. I hate this.

[ThatZombieQueen]

Thank you all for taking the time to answer my questions.
To answer some of yours:
Yes, he has always enjoyed porn. But as he gets older it seems to be the only thing he is interested in. He watches lesbian porn, so I don't think it is because he wants to see a guy lol. Yes, we have 3 kids. We have been married for 2 years, but dated for a few years before that, as well as a couple years in high school. No, nothing medically that would make him think I am fragile, in fact I let him go crazy with me lol.
Another thing I wanted an opinion on: A few days ago we were talking and goofing off and I asked him what my rank would be in bed and he said an 8.5--Now I don't think I deserve a 10 just for being his wife, but when he has had less than 6 partners and he said they all suked in bed why woud I get this rating?
The last time I talked to him about everything I asked if it would be ok for me to just get off somewhere else and just have an open marriage and he said "If I cant, you cant." And I told him he could if that's what he wanted and he got so mad and we ended up fighting. I hate this.

[ThatZombieQueen]

I have been trying to post the same thing all day. I keep copying and pasting and it still wont go through. If this is a situation that a moderator can address for me I would greatly appreciate it.

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Thank you all for taking the time to answer my questions.

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Thank you all for taking the time to answer my questions.
To answer some of yours:
Yes, he has always enjoyed porn.

- - - Updated - - -

But as he gets older it seems to be the only thing he is interested in sexually. He watches lesbian porn, so I don't think it is because he wants to see a guy lol. Yes, we have 3 kids. We have been married for 2 years, but dated for a few years before that, as well as a couple years in high school.

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No, nothing medically that would make him think I am fragile, in fact I let him go crazy with me lol.
Another thing I wanted an opinion on: A few days ago we were talking and goofing off and I asked him what my rank would be in bed and he said an 8.5--Now I don't think I deserve a 10 just for being his wife, but when he has had less than 6 partners and he said they all suked in bed why woud I get this rating?

- - - Updated - - -

The last time I talked to him about everything I asked if it would be ok for me to just get off somewhere else and just have an open marriage and he said "If I cant, you cant." And I told him he could if that's what he wanted and he got so mad and we ended up fighting. I hate this.

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I think it has something to do with the size of your response. Working better when I post it piece by piece.

[Wakeup]

1. Learn to be okay with him not doing you and be happy with that acceptance.

2. Leave him now and go get it else where. DO NOT cheat.

3. Ask him to go to sex therapy with you.

4. If you just want to vent but do nothing to change your life, then see No. 1

[ThatZombieQueen]

Lol if I just wanted to vent I would have asked my friends.

[Wakeup]

Then if you're not here to vent and you're not going to do anything to change your situation. Stop talking about it here and just vent to your friends.

You keep venting but you've yet to say what you're strategy is going to be to change your lot. You can change YOU but you have zero control over changing HIM.

[ThatZombieQueen]

If you are tired of this situation, just don't click the link. I certainly do not mean to annoy or insult anyone with my whining. I really feel as though if my first post would have went through it would have seemed less like venting and maybe a little more like I was trying to explain the entire situation and get new views on it. Again, I apologize if I wasted your time.

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And for the record, I would never cheat. I only asked him that way to see if he it was something he wanted; meaning to see if he was interested in being in an open relationship.
My plan is to accept that he probably has gotten bored of me but the fact that he is still with me has got to mean something. So I will just have to learn to live with it.

[Wakeup]

If you are tired of this situation, just don't click the link. I certainly do not mean to annoy or insult anyone with my whining.

You're the one that said if you just wanted to vent then you would do it to your friends but you're here and all you're doing is venting. I'm not annoyed or insulted. I'm just telling you what you're doing as well as wondering why you're not seeming to want to do anything about your situation except vent.

I really feel as though if my first post would have went through it would have seemed less like venting and maybe a little more like I was trying to explain the entire situation and get new views on it. Again, I apologize if I wasted your time.

No need to apologise.

And for the record, I would never cheat.

Do you know how many cheaters have said that before they actually met someone that was willing to help them do just that? I'm not saying you would but there are just too many people who are not happy at home that instead of leaving they get too involved with someone at work or at the local bar or at any other place they frequent without their spouse and next thing you know they are deep in an emotional affair if not a physical one.

My plan is to accept that he probably has gotten bored of me but the fact that he is still with me has got to mean something. So I will just have to learn to live with it.

You should probably strive to live with it and be content about it. Not just suffer through it. That's not fair to you or him because you will begin to resent him and your resentment will manifest itself into some type of negativity (or worse) towards him if you don't get your chillax on about it.

I wish you good luck.

[woody]

Dear ZombieQ,

So he's been with six laidies. (not a typo, a joke, sorry), yet he gives you an 8.5 outta 10. My guess? It's because he's been watching too much porn and actually believes their enjoying themselves. His fantasy has mulched reality and he's stuck in his lower head.

Learn to live with it? Up to you of course. Happy with that though? 3 children. Lots to think about ... Lots.

well wishes to you Z.Queen. Hope you get some more insight though you've had a few good doses; and btw, venting is fine. Often changes begin with venting...
peas

[Kevo]

It seems, sadly enough, like he's developed an addiction to pornography. This infographic I found says that a large number of porn users begin to prefer cybersex to the real thing after developing an addiciton--which seems to be the case with him.

Personally I would say if you want to have a normal relationship, his porn use has got to stop. You can't just vent about it online, something has to be done to resolve it so you can have some sort of normal relationship with him. Best of luck, and hope that things turn out for the best.

[smackie9]

Here's another solution. Have an open marriage. There are couples that stay together because it's more financially more feasible than separating/divorce and to keep the family together. It's worth a shot to have a conversation about outside relationships but keep the marriage. Might be a happier solution for you both until the kids are old enough to be on their own.