Is my ex girlfriend playing me?

[FruitBandit]

Hi everyone, I just signed up to this site to ask this question, as I can't stop thinking about this whole situation. This is a long story, so I apologise if you get bored halfway through!

So I met my now ex-girlfriend about 3 and a half months ago at work, she had seen me about and asked someone for my name, and added me on facebook. This was before I even knew she existed. After speaking to her on FB the night she added me, I found out the situation and who she was, and told her I would come and say hello at work if I got the chance. I already knew she was keen from the fact she found out my name to add me, and she confirmed she 'liked the look of me'. I also told her I'd be keen to get to know her outside of work, and gave her my number.

Bearing in mind, she lost her job at our work place a week after we met, and didn't have another job or any other commitments during this whole time. Her dad would often get on at her telling her to find a job, which she said she tried.

A couple of days later I got the chance to go and speak to her at work and asked her out on a date in person, she agreed at the time. The next night she texted me saying she had to cancel, some reason being busy. As dissapointed as I was rather than ask for a new date, I told her to get back to me, to test how keen she really was. Now this girl, would always get back to me, as much as I would spend time worrying about things over the next few months, she would always get back to me. This was the first time, and no different.

Fast forward a bit, second date I invited her back inside to mine after we got back from going swimming. I confessed to her that I had quickly developed feelings for her, she said the same, we kissed. Now it's important to know here that there is a significant age difference, with her being 17, almost 18 at the time. She always seemed mature for her age, which I found really attractive and told her so. A couple of weeks later we were official and our relationship started.

I'll say now that she was actually my first relationship as an adult, she was extremely keen on me and I was for her too.

The next 6 weeks were amazing, we never had many common interests but we had such a strong chemistry and connection. 2 weeks in, she's at a party with friends, she drunkenly texts me asking if she could stay over at mine if she can get a lift. I got quite annoyed with her that night, taking ages to respond and being sure if she could get a lift, keeping me up waiting. She did end up staying, and I wrongly was a dick to her that night for keeping me waiting. But before she went to sleep, I'll never forget what she told me. "I don't just like you, I love you". I was stunned, I told her I couldn't say the same right now but I could see it in the near future. I thought to myself maybe she just likes me so much she is confusing it with love, red flag though possibly?

Sometimes when I left her house late at night for work the next day, she would cry when I had to leave, and persuade me to stay a bit longer. The crying is quite possibly a red flag I know, but I just assumed it was because she liked me that much. I would comfort her telling her we would see each other again the next day or whenever we had planned. 5 minutes down the road a couple of times I would get a text from her basically saying I was the best thing to happen to her and how much she liked me and hated when I had to go. These texts made me smile of course, but some times I would think to myself, do I like her as much? (Yes, yes I did)

I went on holiday for 2 weeks and when I returned we picked up where we left off. But while I was away, one night on facebook, she told me how she wanted us to be together forever and imagined us growing old together. Strong stuff. Another evening on facebook she told me that she had found a part time job, she seemed happy and I was happy for her. However, she explained how she had to work all day saturday and sunday, and started in a few weeks. (it was a new cafe opening 15 mins from her house. But she explained that she wasn't going to be able to see me, and that it 'wasn't going to work'. I panicked and told her it will, we will work around it. She was off with me for the next 24 hours but soon apologised saying she was annoyed and not thinking straight at the time.

In the next few weeks of me being back, she told me she wasn't going to take the job - she was about to turn 18 and this meant no weekends, no going out on the town/parties with friends. She was instead planning on full time study, which was a few weeks away. I told her I was secretly happy because we could carry on seeing each other as much, roughly, 3-6 times a week (a lot I know).

She would always make time for me, she would always choose to see me over anyone else.

She told me she had been cheated on in the past, and had developed and empathy, ensuring me she would never do it to anybody else. I always felt like I could trust her, things just seemed amazing and maybe I took things for granted a bit. Sure we didn't agree on everything, but we just got on really well.

She would always tell me she really liked me, and the evidence was there to prove it, so I thought. For example she would kiss me on the cheek randomly, or sometimes stare at me if I was driving or we were watching a movie together. I could tell she meant it.


Of course everyone has flaws, myself included. But if anything ever got to her, she would assume the worst, jump to conclusions and be completely off with me. It was always fine in the end, but I asked her to tell me when something was bothering her, so I could try and help, rather than just make me worry. This happened a few times I guess, I probably should have put my foot down a bit more.

We spent a lot of time at each others houses, she would stay at mine often, sometimes spending long weekends together. I would also often go to hers in the evenings, where I would have dinner and got on really well with her whole family; brother and older sister included. I was almost starting to feel like part of the family by the time things suddenly ended.

Fast forward to a sunday, 2 and a half months into our relationship. She had been at a party the night before, but that night texted me saying she wanted to be with me right now, and that I should come over early in the morning. No reply the next morning from her until about 5pm, she apologised saying she had been asleep all day, and that I should come over for dinner.

If only I had known it would be the last time.

She was quite grumpy that evening, which I understood, but then told me she 'only had 10 minutes sleep last night'. I didn't occur to me until after that wasn't what she said earlier. My first day at University was the next day, having just left my job for it. I left a bit earlier that evening, wanting to get plenty of sleep. We agreed that she would stay at mine the next night and I would come and pick her up the evening before. She had just done her first week of full time study at this point. On the way out I said goodbye to her parents, that I would see them again soon, they both wished me luck for my first day. Everything about her and her family just seemed so right to me.

The next morning on my first day we send a couple of texts and everything is fine, I'm nervous on my first day but would soon be able to look forward to her staying over.

By 6pm I replied 7 hours after her last 'have a good day' text, things were fine. I asked her what time I should come and get her, I had to text her again to get a response out of her. At this point I should've realised she was being off, and just left her, but I really was looking forward to picking her up. She replies:

''I took that job so you don't need to come over tonight ''

What? What?

So many questions.

Her story is that she has now taken the job she turned down previously, saying she will need it to pay off her student loan. Working 4-7 everyday and on weekends too, also studying 9-2 during the week. Seems a bit excessive doesn't it? Well apparently she's doing even more hours than that now.

I was really really worried by this point, she sent me a 'lets give it a week or so to see how we are going to work this out '. Good! I thought. Commitment!

But that changed, she told me she was going to be really busy now and she 'genuinely didn't think it was going to work out' because it 'wouldn't be a fair relationship. I remember how it ended: 'I really have to go now Danny, I'm sorry to do this now'. I just told her to get back to me when she was ready, hoping she had made a big mistake and overreacting to a bad situation like she does.

I was in shock, I couldn't believe what I had just read. Was it really over, just like that?

4 days later, not a word is said between us since, but this is where the controversy starts. That evening/night (Friday) on her facebook, posted is a picture of a guy, captioned "Caption I'm in love" - with [other guy's name]. To be fair the guy in the picture didn't look like he was in on it. They were at a bar in my town, 3 minute drive from my house! She never checks in on facebook whenever we go anywhere, or whenever she goes anywhere. This was not like her at all. Was it aimed at me, to make me jealous or to get a reaction out of me? My friends and family thought so. The reaction I gave her was deleting her the next morning.

I just couldn't believe it, this girl, she just suddenly seemed to be a horrible person, not the girl I knew. I was just extremely upset and confused.

2 more days of torture get by, I'm not even checking my phone now, I can't take the disappointment of not having a text from her anymore. As I'm just about to go to sleep, exactly a week after the text breakup, my phone goes off. This is odd, considering I thought it was on silent.

It was her. She had also texted me in the morning, 'how are you doing, we need to talk '. The second one was a lot longer, she clearly wanted to talk to me still.

Key points from our texts between then (4 days ago) and now:

She wants to work things out, her feelings for me are exactly the same, she wants us to be together, she hasn't moved on, and she didn't mean for it to be so tough on me, as it was 'hard for her too'. The facebook picture - apparently her female friend who she was also with, took it and posted it, and that she deleted it in the morning when she saw it. Ok...

Would she lie to me? I find it hard to believe, and it gets harder.

We agree that we aren't going to get anywhere until we can talk in person. Still very shocked and hurt, I tell her to get back to me when I can come over and we'll talk it over. By this point she is making out that she is extremely busy, and has almost no free time at all. Enough to go a bar on friday night though right?

Another 2 days of no contact go by, but this morning I get a text from her, hello how are you, nothing useful, but she still contacted me. I'm thinking, she can meet up right? No, after asking her. 'I'm not home tonight' = I'm staying at someone else' tonight. What about tomorrow? Nope, work all day then '2' 21st parties to go to. I know one is her sisters but so much for no free time. What about sunday? Work on sunday and busy monday too, no part of her is trying to find any free time for me so it seems. She has work on sunday, what ALL day? right. She evaded that question.

So now I just feel like I'm being played, she gets back to me saying all those things, but won't make an effort to make time for me, I don't believe her that she is that busy. It's just not believable with everything she has said. I just fear that she is not the girl I thought she was, after such an amazing couple of months, for it to be like this so suddenly, I'm feeling used and heartbroken.

If she can't make time for me on sunday, I'm going to be strong and tell her she's going to lose me, I can't wait for her if she won't commit. I feel like I'm her backup guy and she is completely using me to get someone else, it is just horrible how things have turned, and so quickly. I won't have seen her for 2 weeks on sunday, and my feeling is if she really wanted to see me and make it work, she would find time, like she always used to.

Right now I am just sick of feeling like this, and waiting for her to get back to me, she might even be staying at that other guy's house tonight. I should probably just move on but I'm finding it impossible. What's your opinion on it all?

Thanks so much for reading, sorry it is so long.

[breathe123]

If you don't like drama in your life don't date her, & if you don't trust her, don't date her, you'll only ever get more of the same I think.

You said there is a big age difference & she is 17, not yet 18, but you never said your age, I will assume early 20s? I think the comments on the FB picture thing was her lying to you.

[Boisdevie]

Excellent post from the OP. If I ever have a year or two spare I might just read ALL of it.

[Wakeup]

my feeling is if she really wanted to see me and make it work, she would find time, like she always used to.

Your "feeling" is on target.

I should probably just move on but I'm finding it impossible.

What? You're finding it impossible to stop letting her mind fvck you? Well then you should get some professional help with that because you're not doing yourself any favors by letting her hoover you back in just to make sure she still can.

What's your opinion on it all?

That she's 18 and her emotional maturity level is at that of a 10 year old who is testing "daddy" to see what she can get away with while he continues to spoil her.

[jenniferaniston]

If she spends more time telling you that the relationship is neither right nor going anywhere, it is always that she is living down her expectations, you are being played and you are wasting your time.

[URL="https://www.trivedimasterwellness.com/relationship-advice-teens-alice-branton/"]Relationship Advice[/URL]

[FruitBandit]

Thanks for the replies. It's now been 2 weeks since I saw, she hasn't even responded to my last text yesterday. I don't know what to do, I'm seeing a counselor next week so I hope that helps. Right now I just feel like ending it all.

[breathe123]

I would say move on, if she hasn't seen you in 2 weeks that is a message she is deliberately sending you, I hope your counselor helps & do not send her any more texts, leave it up to her alone now to contact if she doesn't you do not either o-k?

[FruitBandit]

I would say move on, if she hasn't seen you in 2 weeks that is a message she is deliberately sending you, I hope your counselor helps & do not send her any more texts, leave it up to her alone now to contact if she doesn't you do not either o-k?

Thanks. After her not responding to my texts over the weekend, I went out to a party and a really fun night and met loads of cool people. I was tagged in a photo of me and 2 other girls having a really good time. My ex saw the picture on facebook and deleted me as soon as she saw it. It was quite liberating.

[FruitBandit]

Hey guys, just an update for anyone that is interested. I never heard from her since she deleted me or since she ignored my texts. But last night I went to a flatwarming party, met a girl, got her number and have a date with her tomorrow. I also saw my exes sister in the mall today, she said hello and we chatted for about 5 minutes, it was as though nothing had happened, neither of us mentioned my ex. I feel a lot better, thanks everybody

[breathe123]

Happy for you on the upcoming date, good for you moving forward. Hope only better things ahead for you.

[Wakeup]

Hey guys, just an update for anyone that is interested. I never heard from her since she deleted me or since she ignored my texts. But last night I went to a flatwarming party, met a girl, got her number and have a date with her tomorrow. I also saw my exes sister in the mall today, she said hello and we chatted for about 5 minutes, it was as though nothing had happened, neither of us mentioned my ex. I feel a lot better, thanks everybody

Now... all you have to do is not respond to her AT ALL when she tries to contact you to find out why you're not chasing her anymore.

.... and she very likely WILL contact you because when a princess doesn't get the attention of her subjects then the princess NEEDS to find out why.

If she does reach out... don't lose everything you've gained in serenity and angst free living by answering her and thereby allowing her to hoover you back for more of her "royal" MIStreatment.

[FruitBandit]

Now... all you have to do is not respond to her AT ALL when she tries to contact you to find out why you're not chasing her anymore.

.... and she very likely WILL contact you because when a princess doesn't get the attention of her subjects then the princess NEEDS to find out why.

If she does reach out... don't lose everything you've gained in serenity and angst free living by answering her and thereby allowing her to hoover you back for more of her "royal" MIStreatment.

Thanks for your reply. Do you think she will contact me now? I mean I'm sure her sister will report back to her. "Guess who I saw at the mall today". "Did he ask about me?". "Umm no actually".

[FruitBandit]

Hello everyone, I have another update in case anyone is interested. So I still haven't heard anything from my ex since she didn't reply to my texts almost 2 weeks ago (I also didn't contact her again after that). But, I had a second date tonight with the other girl I met, we kissed and it was really nice! I'm also seeing her again over the weekend. So it looks like it will be a happy outcome for me even if it doesn't develop much further with the new girl, though I think it could. If my ex was to ever contact me, which I think she probably will some time, I hold nothing against her now that I'm emotionally stable, but you know what, I think that kiss tonight has made me realise I've moved on. It's been an absolute roller coaster of emotions for me these last few weeks. Thanks everybody who contributed to this thread and gave me advice

[pcmaster]

Good that you moved on and have your life back on track now. Gratz with the new girl !

Hope you learned something. That when a girl says you she loves you and want to spend the rest of her life with you and stuff like that you have to be careful. Although it sounds nice you dont have to immediately believe it.

[smackie9]

I know a girl who is a sex worker and she could play anyone for a fool. I would gladly show you what she looks like, but of course I can't put up a picture of somebody without permission. She told me on the phone she will be my "girlfriend" if I pay her. She is from Italy and seems to be another gold digging slag in my country to leech off our standards.

Too bad. Italian women sure are pretty.

wtf is this???