How can I stop stalking my ex?

[yogicat]

It would seem I have a problem that I should stop so I'm looking for some advice on the topic. My friends have all urged me to stop this seemingly addictive activity and I did for a while but I'm doing it worse than ever now.
I was with my ex for a long time, but towards the end, I accepted that I had fallen out of love with him. We were young when we started dating and we just grew apart. We broke up once for a few months and I was a terrible mess and I basically hounded him, made him hang out with me and eventually, we got back together. It was peaches at first but again, as I anticipated secretly, we got terribly angry at each other too often. He also lied once and I think that's what made me feel like I wasn't in love with him anymore. So we split, for good. I was sad but I knew it was necessary this time because we'd done everything we could to save it.
That's why I'm so confused where I literally feel compelled to stalk him on social media. There are no feelings left. I think a part of me will always care for him in some way, as we were together so long and he was truly the first person I ever fell completely in love with. We have spoken on a handful of occasions, but never in a way where we were thinking of getting back together or anything like that. I don't know what his intentions were but I know mine are true in knowing I could never go back to him after everything.
The real kicker here is I have a new boyfriend who I am crazy about. I am not in love with him yet but he's a very promising individual who is evoking feelings in me I haven't felt in years. He truly brings out the best in me, we like a lot of the same things and it's easy, we don't need to work to be together and this is the first relationship I have been in where that has happened.
So I feel like a big jerk but I don't know how to stop. I know it sounds like I am in denial about my ex but I could sit here all day explaining why I just don't have feelings for him like that anymore. But I still want to know what he does all the time I guess? I have no sense of longing, love, jealousy (even when he posts about dates, in fact that makes me really happy for him and released some of the guilt I had been feeling about dating someone somewhat quickly after we broke up) or anything really. It feels like I am reading an article online. But we are not friends on social media anymore, on any platform. So I feel even worse, getting around the roadblocks to see what he's doing.
Please help a girl out in how I can stop doing this, for the greater good of my own sanity and to just let go of the past I suppose. Regardless, it feels like I haven't if I keep doing this.

[vashti]

I read an article recently that says Facebook stalking allows for the release of dopamine (same chemical released for drug addicts) which might explain why it is so hard for you to stop.

I suggest you delete all your social media accounts until the feelings have passed.

[url=http://mic.com/articles/105346/can-t-stop-facebook-stalking-your-ex-blame-science]Science Shows Why You Can't Stop Facebook Stalking Your Ex - Mic[/url]

[Illusional]

deleting his cell phone number is the pretty obviously way.


raverboy

[breathe123]

Do you IRL stalk him, or only online? If it's only online it's because you need to know about him, makes you feel like he is still part of your life?

Do you have any contact with him, like instead of stalking can you send a text every now & then if on friendly terms to catch up, or maybe a email every once & awhile ~ then you get to know he's doing o-k & you don't stalk his every move. If not on any friendly terms then will have to tell yourself it isn't healthy for you or fair to the new guy & be strong & stop it.

I had a friend who was male feel the same about his ex, he actually cancelled his internet for awhile & that helped him ween off searching her online.

[yogicat]

Do you IRL stalk him, or only online? If it's only online it's because you need to know about him, makes you feel like he is still part of your life?

Do you have any contact with him, like instead of stalking can you send a text every now & then if on friendly terms to catch up, or maybe a email every once & awhile ~ then you get to know he's doing o-k & you don't stalk his every move. If not on any friendly terms then will have to tell yourself it isn't healthy for you or fair to the new guy & be strong & stop it.

I had a friend who was male feel the same about his ex, he actually cancelled his internet for awhile & that helped him ween off searching her online.

oh only online for sure. I have not seen him since we exchanged things last fall. The thing is, I have no interest in talking to him. Toward the beginning of the year, we spoke very briefly through facebook and it actually made me kind of angry to talk to him. He was still the negative person I spent so much time with and accused me of flipping out on him for messaging me in the first message. Nonetheless, it was basically an apology. Unfortunately, I'm not the only one who uses the internet in my house so cancelling isn't an option.

- - - Updated - - -

deleting his cell phone number is the pretty obviously way.


raverboy

We don't text. I deleted his old phone number and in the brief conversation we had, he said he had a new one but I told him it was inappropriate to text each other. See how warped I am? I don't want to talk to him, at all. I just find myself drawn to social media like a crazy woman.

[TablesandChairs]

Let's look at it as an addiction, then. Plenty of literature on addiction but not a great deal on 'FB Stalking Addiction' so let's pretend we're talking about cigarettes. How to quit smoking:

a) cold turkey.
b) cutting down. If you spend 4 hours a day snooping, cut it down to 3.5, then 3, then 2.5.
c) when the urge to stalk arises, do something else - engage in a hobby, clean the house, go do some yoga.

Now, are you sure there are no feelings left over at all? Do some self-reflection - why are you so curious about his life? What are you needing to find out? Unlike smoking, which is an actual addiction to a substance - other types of addiction require some detective work in your own inner workings. There's always a 'why' - you just need to find what it is. When two people were together for a long time - you're used to being a part of that persons life so maybe you have to work on accepting the finality of the arrangement and that your stalking ultimately achieves nothing...a bit of a waste of time but not much to be gained.

[jenniferaniston]

Put energy into positive relationships with family and friends, who can listen to your concerns and offer support. Trust yourself to solve problems and make sound decisions. Nurture your self-confidence and self-esteem so that you feel strong, capable, and self-reliant. A journal can be a healthy place to brood and articulate your feelings honestly and privately. The process of putting your thoughts into writing can also help you move beyond destructive feelings and come up with positive ideas for moving forward.

[breathe123]

oh only online for sure. I have not seen him since we exchanged things last fall. The thing is, I have no interest in talking to him. Toward the beginning of the year, we spoke very briefly through facebook and it actually made me kind of angry to talk to him. He was still the negative person I spent so much time with and accused me of flipping out on him for messaging me in the first message. Nonetheless, it was basically an apology. Unfortunately, I'm not the only one who uses the internet in my house so cancelling isn't an option.

- - - Updated - - -



We don't text. I deleted his old phone number and in the brief conversation we had, he said he had a new one but I told him it was inappropriate to text each other. See how warped I am? I don't want to talk to him, at all. I just find myself drawn to social media like a crazy woman.

Is it your computer that other uses, or theirs that you use? if yours you can cancel the internet it is for your well being & mental health if it is theirs they can password protect it & then you cannot log on to search stalk your ex as readily.

[bcgirl]

You need to get a new hobby! Go get some exercise, volunteer, take some courses. You'll realize that you don't got the time to check your social media constantly because you have better things to do

[vashti]

deleting his cell phone number is the pretty obviously way.


raverboy

Hey, if I am remembering it correctly, didn't you knock up that poor unsuspecting woman for a second time? You rascal!

[Wakeup]

Op: It seems you've made it a habit that you're having a hard time quitting. They say that if you replace one bad habit with a good one, you'll leave the bad one behind where it should be left.

Just like quitting cigarettes... you'll never accomplish doing that (quitting that is) if you keep having a drag off of one. Start rehabbing small by not giving into your addiction at least one time in three cravings to creep. Maybe if you actually get up and away from your computer and do something that will take your mind off the draw, you'll easily accomplish refraining altogether.