cheating girlfriend/ feeling disgusted...

[Makkaway]

Hi guys,

This is quite simple (and I hope that you will read me please!!):

I had a 3 month relationship with a girl (29 years old/ I'm 32) that I met at work. We had known each other for about 5 months before we started dating. At first she was selling herself to me as being an "oldschool girl" in search of someone for a serious relationship, leading to marriage eventually, etc.

After 2 months together I moved into her house because my previous landlord had kicked me out. She was living with 6 other people in that house and they didn't mind having me there for a few weeks. Anyways....

I broke up with her after almost 3 months of being together (1 month after I moved in with her). The reason was that I just didn't like the way she loved the attention from random guys. She always said that she just liked to socialize and be happy. I didn't know what that meant at that time. But I just didn't like it and thank God I followed my intuition.

After breaking up with her I learned from some people that the whole time that we had been together she slept with at least one guy that they are sure of (who was living in our house actually). She confirmed it later on saying that it was "to punish me for not giving her enough attention"!!!

I never cheated on her and I absolutely don't understand why someone would cheat on you because you don't give them enough attention!!!!

I never thought that possible. She was acting as if I was the love of her life when we were together. We even talked about being faithful from almost day one and she told me that she had never done that before and never intend to do that.

I feel absolutely disguted in myself for having been so naive the whole time. She was sleeping with a guy that was living in the same house as us and I didn't even see it!!!!

When I learnt about that I fell sick straight away. I couldn't sleep anymore for almost 10 days. I lost 5kg!!!

Why would someone pretend to love you and then cheat on you instead of just telling you to **** off?? isn't that simpler?? as if I was going to stay with that person knowing that she cheats on me?? NO WAY!!!!

How can someone have the nerves to that to somebody?? she couldve gave me a ****ing disease!!!!!

I feel so disgusted in me. This is something I will never tell anybody. I never thought in my life that I would get cheated on like that. I feel so shameful and I feel like it will take some time before I start dating again (or I'll just limit my relationships to friends with benefits).

Damn!!!!

[Wakeup]

You're worried about a desease from her yet you're thinking of limiting your interactins to just "friends with benefits" where there is no need for exclusivity at all?

Me thinks you're talking through your over-emotional ego.

She's obviously got nil to no personal boundaries and zero relationship boundaries in place and unfortunately you didn't even know her long enough to ascertain that little tid bit about her before you jumped into moving in with her. Perhaps you should take pause and reflect on why you would do the unhealthy thing of getting so involved with a virtual stranger. Well, at least you've learned that it's best to court, date and really get to know someone before you jump into things with them the way you did with this little tart.

You barely knew her so I'm not quite sure why you're so upset, really? If you really knew her and she had shown you that she was a good partner who you could trust only to betray you, then I'd understand why your ego is making so much noise. Anyway.. tell it to shut up and get on with your life having learned a good life lesson going forward.

[Makkaway]

You're worried about a desease from her yet you're thinking of limiting your interactins to just "friends with benefits" where there is no need for exclusivity at all?

Me thinks you're talking through your over-emotional ego.

She's obviously got nil to no personal boundaries and zero relationship boundaries in place and unfortunately you didn't even know her long enough to ascertain that little tid bit about her before you jumped into moving in with her. Perhaps you should take pause and reflect on why you would do the unhealthy thing of getting so involved with a virtual stranger. Well, at least you've learned that it's best to court, date and really get to know someone before you jump into things with them the way you did with this little tart.

You barely knew her so I'm not quite sure why you're so upset, really? If you really knew her and she had shown you that she was a good partner who you could trust only to betray you, then I'd understand why your ego is making so much noise. Anyway.. tell it to shut up and get on with your life having learned a good life lesson going forward.

Thanks for your answer but I totally differ with you on that one.

First I do not allow a girl to cheat on me just because we barely know each other. And second, like I said it above: I knew her about 5 months before dating her. At work unfortunately she showed me an aspect of her that wasn't her outside of work. I'm just so sorry for having been deceived and having been that good intentioned from the start. I shouldve probably shagged other girls on the side till I make sure she's good enough for me?? You do that when you're under 20, not over 30...

I'm sorry but don't judge me for having some well deserved self-respect, which you call "ego"?? go to hell...

[woody]

I just read your first post.

Becoming jaded after something like this is a real harsh reality you must be careful not to allow. Sure, learn from this; but for goodness sake, from this step forward, do not close yourself off to a real relationship when the moment strikes right because one day, she will arrive....
And putting yourself in the mode of 'friends with benefits' doesn't work for old school romantics which it sounds like you amicably are.
You know who you are and all you have to offer. Even good men meet knargly snakes in the grass that look good in a skirt so to speak.

You have a healthy dose of self respect. Getting over something like being cheated on by one we never would have guessed has it in them can play with our spidey senses; meaning, when we get fooled and then hurt badly, it can take awhile to bounce back from.
Speaking as one who's been cheated on over a decade ago, though different situations and after years, not months, well, it still toys with my mind and heart from time to time.
My advice is don't do what I did. Don't let it dictate how high the walls become around the heart because I wasted years alone out of fear of having my heart ripped out again and this in hindsight was very foolish indeed. Don't waste years, spend months maybe but that's it.

Chalk it up to this. You met a cutie pie that looked good, talked the talk, seemed alright and she wasn't. She played you. Again, her actions are on her and will have consequences that SHE will have to deal with; and that's on her, not you , her....

Heal up, give it some time and don't get jaded. You got played, that is all. Hurts like the dickens. Let it go and remain the good person you are, open and willing to meet a good woman one day who won't cheat on you and hopefully, won't live with half a dozed people either.
Oh yes, next time, take more time.
good luck. She didn't deserve you. In my opinion, you dodged a bullet there and wounds heal.

There will be many flakey girls. Recognize them and hold out for the real deal...

[Makkaway]

I just read your first post.

Becoming jaded after something like this is a real harsh reality you must be careful not to allow. Sure, learn from this; but for goodness sake, from this step forward, do not close yourself off to a real relationship when the moment strikes right because one day, she will arrive....
And putting yourself in the mode of 'friends with benefits' doesn't work for old school romantics which it sounds like you amicably are.
You know who you are and all you have to offer. Even good men meet knargly snakes in the grass that look good in a skirt so to speak.

You have a healthy dose of self respect. Getting over something like being cheated on by one we never would have guessed has it in them can play with our spidey senses; meaning, when we get fooled and then hurt badly, it can take awhile to bounce back from.
Speaking as one who's been cheated on over a decade ago, though different situations and after years, not months, well, it still toys with my mind and heart from time to time.
My advice is don't do what I did. Don't let it dictate how high the walls become around the heart because I wasted years alone out of fear of having my heart ripped out again and this in hindsight was very foolish indeed. Don't waste years, spend months maybe but that's it.

Chalk it up to this. You met a cutie pie that looked good, talked the talk, seemed alright and she wasn't. She played you. Again, her actions are on her and will have consequences that SHE will have to deal with; and that's on her, not you , her....

Heal up, give it some time and don't get jaded. You got played, that is all. Hurts like the dickens. Let it go and remain the good person you are, open and willing to meet a good woman one day who won't cheat on you and hopefully, won't live with half a dozed people either.
Oh yes, next time, take more time.
good luck. She didn't deserve you. In my opinion, you dodged a bullet there and wounds heal.

There will be many flakey girls. Recognize them and hold out for the real deal...

You're right. I got played like a chump. I actually didn't know girls did that :/

But what for?? I don't understand.

[woody]

Ah, if we knew that there may be a cure but we don't and there isn't. It all comes down to character quality.

Some people cheat because it's just in them to do so. Why? Good question. Insecurities?, The need for attention? Natural born lying creeps? All of the above? Who knows.
BUT, again, that is on them, not you. Hey, you learned something right. You learned about signs, red flags and you learned what you are and what you are not willing to tolerate so, your heart may be bruised and you may be feeling slightly played but don't linger too long trying to analyze all the possibilities or take it personally. No, don't take it personally because chances are if it's in her to do this, you could have been the best man on the Planet and she'd still find a way to screw it up.
hope that helps. REmember, what she did is on her; let her go, lessons learned, move on. Sure, time this will take but you'll be better for it. Keep your self worth high and next time, make them earn your affections, let them prove their worth to you before jumping in with both feet.... There are too many good people out there to linger too long on one who isn't that great and it isn't your job to teach them either.

[lissa]

It's a reality of life, unfortunately, and stressing yourself out over WHY she betrayed you and disrespected you doesn't really help. I think the most important thing is that you got a bad vibe, you broke up with her, which shows you have good instincts and can judge a person's character well. At least you weren't completely slapped across the face by someone you were still dating who you trusted completely... which sadly happens a lot.

It sucks and it will make you feel sick to your stomach for a while, but you'll get over it. Like Woody said, it's not personal, it's just the way this girl operates. I think not sleeping for 10 days over a 3 month relationship that had already ended is a bit excessive and you may want to get a bit of therapy so you have someone to talk you through this if it continues much longer.

[Wakeup]

Thanks for your answer but I totally differ with you on that one.

First I do not allow a girl to cheat on me just because we barely know each other. And second, like I said it above: I knew her about 5 months before dating her. At work unfortunately she showed me an aspect of her that wasn't her outside of work. I'm just so sorry for having been deceived and having been that good intentioned from the start. I shouldve probably shagged other girls on the side till I make sure she's good enough for me?? You do that when you're under 20, not over 30...

I'm sorry but don't judge me for having some well deserved self-respect, which you call "ego"?? go to hell...

Who TF said you "allow" someone to cheat on you?
You didn't know her for five months... you worked with her for five months and you dated her for two before you moved in with her. So you knew her for 2 months in a romantic way before you moved in with her (foolish thing to do obviously as you've found out) Of course she showed you two different sides of her BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE REAL HER. Had you waited to move in with her, you would have figured out the skank that she is

Oh and YOU go to hell if you can't take the truth about what a foolish way you handled ALL of this with this chick. Next time wait to move in with someone after they've shown you who they
really are.

If your ego needs to screw around to make it shut up then screw around but don't forget your rubbers or you WILL end up with an STD.

I think the most important thing is that you got a bad vibe, you broke up with her, which shows you have good instincts and can judge a person's character well.

Yea... too bad his so called "good instincts" only kick in after it too late. If he really had such a thing, he would have waited to figure her out before jumping into a live-in situation with her.

Tell us Op... Where'd you move to after you found out that she was doing your roomy?

[Makkaway]

Ah, if we knew that there may be a cure but we don't and there isn't. It all comes down to character quality.

Some people cheat because it's just in them to do so. Why? Good question. Insecurities?, The need for attention? Natural born lying creeps? All of the above? Who knows.
BUT, again, that is on them, not you. Hey, you learned something right. You learned about signs, red flags and you learned what you are and what you are not willing to tolerate so, your heart may be bruised and you may be feeling slightly played but don't linger too long trying to analyze all the possibilities or take it personally. No, don't take it personally because chances are if it's in her to do this, you could have been the best man on the Planet and she'd still find a way to screw it up.
hope that helps. REmember, what she did is on her; let her go, lessons learned, move on. Sure, time this will take but you'll be better for it. Keep your self worth high and next time, make them earn your affections, let them prove their worth to you before jumping in with both feet.... There are too many good people out there to linger too long on one who isn't that great and it isn't your job to teach them either.

Thanks woody. I have learnt my lesson. Next time I will not give a chance to a girl like her. The worst thing is that she was talking about having a baby and so on... :/

What a slut.

Attention seeker = whore. That's it from now on.

It's a reality of life, unfortunately, and stressing yourself out over WHY she betrayed you and disrespected you doesn't really help. I think the most important thing is that you got a bad vibe, you broke up with her, which shows you have good instincts and can judge a person's character well. At least you weren't completely slapped across the face by someone you were still dating who you trusted completely... which sadly happens a lot.

It sucks and it will make you feel sick to your stomach for a while, but you'll get over it. Like Woody said, it's not personal, it's just the way this girl operates. I think not sleeping for 10 days over a 3 month relationship that had already ended is a bit excessive and you may want to get a bit of therapy so you have someone to talk you through this if it continues much longer.

Thanks lissa. Yeah 10 days might sound a lot but it's not even the fact of her having sex with other guys that disgusts me the most and prevented me from sleeping, it's the fact of having been played like a novice; as if I had no experience at all :/

It's the fakeness of the whole thing that outrages me the most.

Who TF said you "allow" someone to cheat on you?
You didn't know her for five months... you worked with her for five months and you dated her for two before you moved in with her. So you knew her for 2 months in a romantic way before you moved in with her (foolish thing to do obviously as you've found out) Of course she showed you two different sides of her BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE REAL HER. Had you waited to move in with her, you would have figured out the skank that she is

Oh and YOU go to hell if you can't take the truth about what a foolish way you handled ALL of this with this chick. Next time wait to move in with someone after they've shown you who they
really are.

If your ego needs to screw around to make it shut up then screw around but don't forget your rubbers or you WILL end up with an STD.

Yea... too bad his so called "good instincts" only kick in after it too late. If he really had such a thing, he would have waited to figure her out before jumping into a live-in situation with her.

Tell us Op... Where'd you move to after you found out that she was doing your roomy?

I don't think that my instincts kicked in too late, it couldve been worse, I couldve married that girl :/

And I actually found that out about 3 months later and it's a friend of her who told me first (she kinda had a crush on me at that time and felt that I probably should know who my ex really was. I thank her for that. And the funniest part is that the guy who was doing my ex just dumped her a few days after I left and she basically got slut shamed and "kicked out" of the house when everybody realised about what she was doing at home, while pretending to be a good girl. They did the job for me.)

But yeah you're right, next time I will let the girl prove her worth to me before even thinking of dating her. There's so many fakes out there, it's scary.

By the way, you said: "Of course she showed you two different sides of her BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE REAL HER." I don't know about you but I'm the same guy inside and outside of work. It's been a very very very long time since I last lied just in order to have sex. And I mean a girl doesn't even need to lie to have sex. She goes to the nearest bar and she'll find everything she can dream of. Why be so deceitful?

I wonder if it made her feel better inside knowing that despite her disgusting ways she had a boyfriend to make her feel good about herself, telling her that she was amazing and all (yeah shame one me) whereas she wasn't worth shit in reality?

[michelle23]

Its not your fault she cheated or that you didn't see it sooner. That is the whole point of the early stages of a relationship, to figure out if you can trust her and to figure out if your compatible. You learned that she lacks integrity, is untrustworthy and that you don't want her in 3 months which is a relatively short period if time. Now its time to cut your losses, forget her and find someone who does share your morals and values that would make a good long term partner.

These things happen and ya it hurts but be thankful you found out sooner rather than later and now your not wasting any more time on the wrong person.

[Makkaway]

Its not your fault she cheated or that you didn't see it sooner. That is the whole point of the early stages of a relationship, to figure out if you can trust her and to figure out if your compatible. You learned that she lacks integrity, is untrustworthy and that you don't want her in 3 months which is a relatively short period if time. Now its time to cut your losses, forget her and find someone who does share your morals and values that would make a good long term partner.

These things happen and ya it hurts but be thankful you found out sooner rather than later and now your not wasting any more time on the wrong person.

Thanks michelle,

I feel much better now that I have shared my story. The worst thing that she said was that it was my fault. How dare you?

Thanks everybody.

[Anonymous10]

I can relate to your story a lot. I broke up with my gf of 10 months for cheating. she loved attention off men too but seemed to like me and want to keep me around aswell which was the worst part.

I could see signs things weren't the same between us for last 3 months. I'll look out for slutty/bad gf signs early on nxt time.
1 Craves male attention
2 Secrecy
3 Avoids you during weekdays
4 Busy at gym
5 Never opens up
6 Slept with on 1st date
7 Name dropping guy more than usual
8 Likes guy pics on fb
9 Doesn't introduce u to her family
10 Reluctance to discuss where the relationship is headed
11 Inability to love someone or say it
12 Only looked happy when she was been centre of attention or spoiled
13 Cranky mood swings
14 Inferiority complex
15 Shady Past & doesn't discuss it
16 Lacked affection mostly
17 very few compliments
18 never said she loved me or like really
19 Had cheek to call me insecure when she was sneaking around behind my back

She will always be v unhappy in life whereas at least I've a chance of finding someone again who I'm happy with.
I'm sure the new guy won't stick around..the thrill was that she had a bf...now i dumped her she'll be just a piece of dirt to him probably, how cud he trust her now.
The DECEIT is worse than anything. It made me paranoid, analysing too much. I wanted to be wrong about her at least then I cud fix my own trust issues. I guess now I have to trust completely but cut them loose the first time my gut tells me something's up!

[Makkaway]

I can relate to your story a lot. I broke up with my gf of 10 months for cheating. she loved attention off men too but seemed to like me and want to keep me around aswell which was the worst part.

I could see signs things weren't the same between us for last 3 months. I'll look out for slutty/bad gf signs early on nxt time.
1 Craves male attention
2 Secrecy
3 Avoids you during weekdays
4 Busy at gym
5 Never opens up
6 Slept with on 1st date
7 Name dropping guy more than usual
8 Likes guy pics on fb
9 Doesn't introduce u to her family
10 Reluctance to discuss where the relationship is headed
11 Inability to love someone or say it
12 Only looked happy when she was been centre of attention or spoiled
13 Cranky mood swings
14 Inferiority complex
15 Shady Past & doesn't discuss it
16 Lacked affection mostly
17 very few compliments
18 never said she loved me or like really
19 Had cheek to call me insecure when she was sneaking around behind my back

She will always be v unhappy in life whereas at least I've a chance of finding someone again who I'm happy with.
I'm sure the new guy won't stick around..the thrill was that she had a bf...now i dumped her she'll be just a piece of dirt to him probably, how cud he trust her now.
The DECEIT is worse than anything. It made me paranoid, analysing too much. I wanted to be wrong about her at least then I cud fix my own trust issues. I guess now I have to trust completely but cut them loose the first time my gut tells me something's up!

I've had number 19 quite a few times. She introduced me to her parents though (I had absolutely no idea that I was going to meet them that day).

Number 17: she had the nerves to tell me at least a couple a times that she didn't understand why girls were attracted to me and wished that I was ugly so I could be for her only (like a pet I suppose/not involving reciprocity).

Number 7: one day she compared me physically with a guy and I thought "how rude!" and guess who that guy was?

Number 15: she was always evasive when we would mention our past. She would always sum up a big chunk of her life in like 3 sentences. I was actually wondering if her life had been that boring so far, or if she used to be a prostitute or something and doesn't want me to know. In both cases I wasn't feeling comfortable.

Number 6: same. shagged her on the first date.

Number 4: she had absolutely no hobbies.

Number 5: she was quite good at bantering and talking shit. she wasn't very funny but she would laugh a lot. she wasn't very smart in general. she never had any opinion on anything. all she wanted was to have fun. she wanted us to go out constantly.

Number 14: she wanted bigger tits and was contemplating surgery.

When I now rethink about that skunk I have to admit that I was just going in for the kill. It was so blatant from day one that I should just shag her as a one-off and resume my life. That's what I do usually with this type of girls. But she was quite good looking and I fell for that lol. What a fool.

[Anonymous10]

I think I'll look out for the opposites of 1-19 with nxt gf and if she's not showing some of these at least after 3 months I'll walk..

- - - Updated - - -

Some gf's come clean about the cheating, the sneaky quiet backstabbing ones have to be the worst of them all!

[Makkaway]

I think I'll look out for the opposites of 1-19 with nxt gf and if she's not showing some of these at least after 3 months I'll walk..

- - - Updated - - -

Some gf's come clean about the cheating, the sneaky quiet backstabbing ones have to be the worst of them all!

Man it's like the first 20 pages of a book; if they suck, don't bother reading the rest.

PS: Cheating is basically backstabbing, whether she comes clean or not, and to whom??