What should I do? I feel like all hope is lost.

[sirtyner]

I'll shorten the story. I met this girl a little over a month ago and I ended up falling for her. We hung out a lot and were pretty much a couple but not official. Anyways, her boyfriend died last year and she is still coping with it, which was the main reason why she wasn't ready for a relationship. She just moved from another state last month and told me she wanted to get her head straight. So I understood, however things changed really fast last weekend. Yesterday, she told me out of no where that she wanted me to date other people and that she doesn't want to be with me right now but be just friends. She even told me she still likes me and cared about me. However I got hurt and told her we should take a break from talking to each other. In addition she drinks a lot so she used to call me at 3 am and I'd stay up and talk to her. So what should I do now that we are not talking? I just want her to want me...:/ what can I do to make her miss me a lot? also did I do the right thing by telling her we should take a break from talking?

[basilandthyme]

You absolutely did the right thing by telling her that you need a break from her.

Ideally you would respect that she's not wanting to date you and let her go. Ideally, you'd use this space and time to let your feelings go. Yes, it's OK to be sad that it didn't work out - but you need to listen to what she's saying.

However, it seems that you don't want to take the sensible route and that you are hoping against hope that she will change her mind. If she's to miss you, the only way for this to happen is to not be there for her. She can't miss you if you're still around! If she still tries to contact you, tell her straight up that you had feelings for her but as they aren't likely to be returned, you need time to let them go. Most importantly, don't take her 3am calls. If you find you can't refuse them, then turn your phone off at night.

Lastly, she drinks too much and needs to talk at 3am. Mate, only broken people do things like that. Yes, I get that she's still grieving - but if her grief is causing this behaviour, she's nowhere near ready for a relationship.

[Wakeup]

What she said ^^^^

[sirtyner]

Yeah, I just hope she'll change her mind, idk I've always been there for her and she's dumb for letting me go

[basilandthyme]

I've always been there for her and she's dumb for letting me go

Oh dear. How conceited of you.

It would appear that you're all self interest and have no respect for her, her readiness for a relationship or even whether or not she's attracted to you as a partner.

[sirtyner]

I'm just drunk, I can't help it I don't mean what I just said, I'm just really upset. I have depression and how ironic because I drink when I'm depressed

[basilandthyme]

Sorry mate, but there is another good reason for you to not have a relationship with her. You're both self medicating with alcohol. Two damaged people don't make a whole.

And perhaps she doesn't want a boyfriend who's depressed. You may have given her support, but that doesn't mean you're the right guy for her in a romantic sense

[sirtyner]

She does not know that I am depressed nor that i got drunk. I've never shown her any side of me being sad or depressed.

[jenniferaniston]

You should give her some space for sometime by that she can realize your love...Stop talking to her from your side as it will be helpful for her to know your value in her life.