Originally Posted by
SnackAttack
Perhaps 'wouldnt care' is pushing it. I think what I mean is that she wouldn't be as crushed as I was. When she told me about kissing the dude on vacation when she was drunk and partying, I was basically ready to burst into tears, because despite any differences that have surfaced in our 1.5years together, I still had an image of her and our relationship that involved trust and compassion. Although more crass than I, I never in a million years imagined she would do that. I told her that very same thing, and she agreed she never would have thought she'd ever do that, especially to me. She's also so straight-faced and seemingly honest when she talked, not flinching at the confrontation, etc, that it makes it so believable if she denies things.
My point is: she makes it appear that, if she didn't love, care about, or want to be with me, she'd drop me. She's also said point-blank that she is NOT exploring options, that she still does had desire for me, etc, just that it's not in her nature to go there on here own; that it takes some persuading from someone else (me).
If I kissed someone else or cheated, she'd be angry, but she'd probably hear me out and consider staying.
She's very big on 'intent' when it comes to these kinds of things ,and I think what she thinks is that I should trust her word regardless of how it seems, and trust that if something seems off I'll trust her good intentions or straight-up ask if im worried.
Basically ALL of the red-flags are just that: flags. If what she's told me is true, then I would have no issues with staying. The problem is that everything is SO suggestive, but she's SO convincing when it comes to justifying or explaining them.
"Why did you kiss someone, do you want someone else or want to break up"? .. Her: "No, if anything this stupid drunk mistake (that meant nothing) only made me realize more how much I want you"
"Why are you editing a dating profile?"... Her: "I'm saving is JUST IN CASE for the future. Of course i'm not looking for other guys"
....
To sum it up: i want answers. I want to know the truth. I want to know why things have changed, why I feel so much distance, and if it'll ever come back. I'm a super self-aware person, and these questions will haunt me indefinitely if I don't resolve them. And I haven't..