How to deal with flirty future father-in-law?

[GRKG]

So my fiance's father likes to flirt, as told to me by my mother-in-law in passing when telling a story. He hasn't been physically inappropriate and they've been married 44 years so I'm not taking it as anything more than joking around. It makes me kind of uncomfortable, though, but to me that's just more on personal differences than anything else. Ideas? I.e. they're right now on a trip together and first he sent me a message asking about snow and saying my fiancee was still asleep so I was all his and then a message that he's up so I'm no longer his (that "level" of flirting). Yes of course I can bring it up to my fiancee but I mean it doesn't bother me that much in the sense that all I'd do is ignore it and not respond but I don't want to be rude either. How to approach this? I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill but I also would like the flirting to stop. Thanks for any suggestions

[Wakeup]

You call THAT "flirting?" I call it humour.

Just tell him "in your dreams" or, "What the fk are you smoking" (I figure if he can get familiar with you, then he should expect some of that back... and then let it pass.

Short of telling him up straight that his brand of "humour" grates on you, what else ya gonna do?

[basilandthyme]

the examples you give are very low level flirting. Heck, I'm a straight woman and I'd say the same to a female friend if we were chatting online.

However, if it truly bothers you, then do as Wakeup suggested and return a smart-arse comment.

[TheEvilJester]

I'm not sure I fully understand the examples you gave. It sounded virtually harmless to me. If you feel comfortable giving more specific examples, perhaps it would paint a better picture for us. For right now, I guess I would say pick your battles. If what he does/says isn't anything you deem TOO inappropriate and it seems he is just innocently joking around, then maybe just let it pass. Not everybody has the same sense of humor.

If what he does/says borders on the inappropriate, or crosses the border, then you definitely should deal with it in some way. Probably delicately at first, hoping that he does just mean it as innocent fun and will relent. But, I guess without further details I don't want to comment too much.

[lissa]

I think I'd be annoyed/slightly uncomfortable based on your example. There are older men who make jokes like that and they aren't harassment or sexual in nature, but they can just make you a bit uncomfortable depending on how you react. I agree to make a huge deal about it would be a mistake.

Your best bet is probably just to not reciprocate and be standoffish when he acts like that. Basically, send nonverbal communication that you aren't playing this little cute game of his. Not ideal, but I think eventually he'll realize you don't like it and lay off a bit.

[roku1]

Be straight up with the guy but in private.

Seems harder to do it than it really is, just catch him when the opportunity arises and be honest. As his future daughter in law you will gain nothing but his respect. Just make sure that you do it in a nice way i.e. "Look 'F.I.L.' with the deepest of respect I really don't feel comfortable with the light flirting between us, can we keep things a bit more on the level from hereon?" etc.

If his flirting has been noticed by other family members then it's highly unlikely that he's doing this unknowingly and he should respect your wishes.

If he doesn't, speak to his wife in private and explain how it's making you feel uneasy. She should be able 'adjust' his attitude.