I fooled around and fell in love!

[Horsewithnoname]

You ladies will have a hay day with me; I am standing by for all comments. I made a huge mistake and paid the ultimate for my misdeed. I’m not the type to beat myself to death; I realize my mistake and am now in the process of changing my life after this wonderful woman taught me a BIG lesson in life I needed.

I'm 60 years old; divorced for ten years, and looking for my special lady where we join as equals and go forever into eternity. I know that sounds sappy, but it's the way I think.

A lady I knew for six months that led to a four month serious dating relationship, broke up with me two weeks ago. Why did she dump me? I was texting other women; I know I was very foolish and disrespectful of this wonderful woman!!! I was a player; I regret and learned a big lesson in life from this lady; I respect her for teaching me a lesson. The break up was my fault. I have no problem why she broke up with me. I was too selfish, blind, and over confident. And by the time I realized it, I was head over heels about her, and I STILL AM. The song by Elvin Bishop, "I fooled around and fell in love" depicts who I "was" and my life with this wonderful soul.

I say "was" because since she broke up with me, I have deleted my profile from all dating web sites, and looking at my life for the past ten years, and changing my life in hopes that God grants us another chance. I'm concentrating on winning her love back. I have read many web sites, and all say not to contact her for at least a month to give her respect, space, and time to think.

When she broke up with me, I was really upset. I know, I am a pompous IDIOT! I bashed her because she blew my ego, my manhood clear out of the universe. I deserved to be dumped.

I know this woman loved me with all her heart; she did all kinds of things that no other woman ever did for me. And I feel in my heart she is the one for me.
Well, she still writes me and sends me photos. I received several emails from her. Just two days ago, she sent me the email below.

“I wish you a Merry Christmas!
I hope you meet your other half, to love and appreciate her more than me.
It is very difficult to live with your insults and curses.” But I forgive you, and God will forgive you! Good bye.”

I didn’t respond to her email. I thought this was the last I would hear from her. Well, today she sent me two photos of her with her daughter. She looked very happy and was smiling. And she wished me a Merry Christmas. I don’t know what to make of this email.

I appreciate any advice and what you ladies think of her continuing to email me. I haven’t responded much because I don’t want to hinder her healing process, at the same time I have to be realistic; she may never love me like she did before.

I was too late to realize how much this woman loved me. She was dead set on leaving. I am sure a few of you ladies have experienced this with a man. You gave him all you have, and he took your love for granted. I took this wonderful warm woman’s love for granted.

Thanks in advance for any advice and opinions.

Wandering through the desert on “A horse with no name.”

[smackie9]

So you think it was about you texting other women?

[Horsewithnoname]

Thank you for responding, I noticed that people get irritated if your thread is too long and condensed.

She said she was leaving because I was texting other women and I didn't appreciate her.

Do you think it might be something else? I have only dated three women since I divorced 10 years ago, so I am still very inexperienced. I married at 19 and was with my ex for 33 years of marriage

Thanks for any insight.

[smackie9]

Well what she said was true right? It just means she isn't the one, because if she was, you wouldn't be texting other women. Make sense? Sometimes we over look at the fact they don't fully fulfill our expectations so we settle because they are good company.....well that only goes so far so we start to fill those things that are lacking through others outside the relationship. Let her move on, and you just keep looking.

[Horsewithnoname]

Thanks for the insight. Now that I look back, she really was special. One day I noticed my toothpaste cap was screwed on and all my stuff was neatly arranged. She did things no other woman ever did. I didn't have to ask her to do anything. She just got to work cleaning, etc. I sure was blind.

Well, God makes these lessons in life so we can become a better person. It's ironic, because I broke up with my last woman I was engaged to because I discovered she was active on a dating web site. Karma for me I suppose.

Thanks again.

[smackie9]

You are missing the whole point. It doesn't matter if she cooks and cleans for you and does thoughtful things......it's how this person touches your soul. They can be the nicest person ever, perfect in every way....doesn't mean she was meant for you or is the one. There is a reason why you didn't appreciate the things she did for you.....something was missing.

[Horsewithnoname]

I understand your point. I should have said by the time I realized how she touched my soul with an unbelievable warmth, passion, and dedication, it was too late. she had had enough. The damage had been done. The lesson for me is never abusd a woman ever again like this.

This is karma for me; this event came full circle; I broke up with a woman two three years ago because she was active on a dating web site when we were engaged to be married.

Now I move on as you said with hard lessons learned.

[Jahna]

Hi horsewithnoname

Even if you got back together with this lady, and she sounds like a nice lady, she would never trust you again. I know, I just finished with a player.

Let me tell you how I feel about the player I was with...

I don't trust him, and without trust, there can be no worthwhile love.

I am on speaking terms with my ex, much to the surprise of all of my friends, but I don't have the respect or trust needed for a love relationship with him. Actually, he used to look like my knight in shining armour, but now he looks like a spoiled child who wanted to have his cake and eat it.

His childhood was difficult to start with and I fully understand his needs but it doesn't mean I have to be mistreated, disrespected or anything negative by him.

If this lady decided to date you again, you would have to be absolutely wonderful to her and NEVER let her down again.

I wish you all the very best, because these things are always so terribly painful.

[Horsewithnoname]

Thank you Jahna. I'm sorry to hear you were mistreated. A hard lesson for men and women to learn.

You hit the nail square on the head. The brutal reality is she lost trust in me after the first three months when she found out I was corresponding with other women.

I too have childhood abandonment issues. My mom gave us to a boys home on two occasions as youngsters. I have received two years of counseling.

You know I never did this before to a woman and now the one I know is the one God provided me; the one I was always looking for, is gone.

A lesson I will never forget. Thanks again. Trust is the issue. She was the one. And I let her slip away.

I don't correspond with her now unless she writes me. I know she is devistated. We cried heavy the days leading up to her departure. I knew she loved me and gave all she could give. And I blew it.

Am I foolish to think I can gain her confidence back? If so, what would you suggest? Thanks

[woody]

Okay. Different view here. Just read your initial post and when you said, "she may never love me like she did before" I thought, yeah, she may love you even more.

This lady is sending you hints in my opinion. She knows that you know (now) (full well) your mistakes, your lack of honor towards her. I believe she is missing you and waiting for you to make your next move. Ladies don't send messages to men they want out of their lives, let alone pic's of their family and them. She may be fuming but I can assure you, sounds like your not the only one who felt a unique connection here.
Hey, what do you get when a young man who was a player grows up and meets his match? YOU.
Often some space and time for reflection is the best medicine for a strong union and when two become one yet find their way back to each other, the union can be stronger than ever.

You made some doozy mistakes by staying on the dating sites and texting other women while with your lady. That's going to be hard for her to get over, as would the cursing and hurtful words but we women can heal. It all comes down to how much she loves you man and whether she's willing to move past the 'player' in you and recognize that even players grow up to be fine men in their 60's.

If I were in your shoes, I'd write her a letter or call her up. Time to re-'woo' her. If you want her back, you must let her know; and for goodness sake, drop the online dating sites and learn the lesson, it isn't cool to play a good woman for though there may be many of us, finding one that fits right is very rare indeed and must be treasured, honored and protected
good luck