Men, when it is more than just "purely physical sex" to you?

[interracial]

I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of one year. He had lots of sexual experience in the past. We both are in our late twenties.

He the first guy I sleep wtih so I do get shy, and little tense during sex. First time was painful for me, but now it getting better. I'm still shy with him in bed, I don't know why.

He knows I was a virgin. So all he did is just the tradditional sex, with him always on the top. I'm sexually inexperience, so he is the one with full control in bed.

During sex he look/stare at my face, touches my face, kisses my lips and neck alot. And when he see my face show pain, he go slower and more gentle.

Him looking make me sooo embarrassed, as he is seeing facial expression when he getting it on. Lights is dim, but I guess I am still shy, so I'm trying to hide my facial emotions.

How to know when it more than just physical sex to him? Or is he having sex with me just for the shake of getting it off?
Sorry, he the only guy I sleep with. So I don't know if other guys are like him whom like to look/stare at their girl while getting it on?

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I ask this because my BF, he had quite lots of one night stand in the past; where he told me that it was just 'PURELY physical' to him, he leave right after sex, and he didn't even bother to send those girls a 'thank you' text. I thought that was cruel of him.

So I don't know if he serious with me, or I'm just another girl in his 'purely physical sex' list. My mind right now is like wondering about his actions in bed.
I really don't want to be just a vagina for him to get it off when ever he have the needs. You know what I mean?

[Wakeup]

How can you not know if he is serious with you or not? Does he do more things then just have sex with you? Does he take you out, call you often, want you to meet his friends and family or does he just fk you and then call you when he wants to just fk you again?

[dickriculous]

You expect him to thank people for sleeping with him? You must be from a different culture, literally nobody does that here, not even the most warm hearted of us.

Anyway, why don't you ask him this question? He's the one you need to agree on boundaries and relationship status with.

[michelle23]

Why are you with him when you don't trust him and why would you give him your virginity? He obviously has different values to you if he will sleep with anything.. that would be a huge turn off for me..

[basilandthyme]

If he wants a relationship with you, he will do relationship things with you. He will go shopping with you or on picnics. Out to dinner or the movies. You'll know that he's your regular Friday and Saturday night date without having to ask.

I don't think that him looking at your face during sex has any particular meaning. Personally, I HATE having it done to me. Thankfully my husband is happy to not have eye contact during sex.

I also agree that people don't send 'thank you' messages after sex.

[interracial]

I don't know any of his one night stand, I'm just guessing those '1 night stand' girls of his have 'feelings' too; so when he just immediately after sex, it just seem cold. Maybe because I like him, so if he do that to me, I be very sad.

Just picture a guy go fu-ck a girl, leave right after word, without saying anything, just leave immediately. That is COLD and cruel to me.
Maybe I am compassionate but it show me that he's a COLD person.

I know he say it was "PURELY PHYSICAL" and I know men can seperate sex and love. But as a woman, I can't seem to seperate it.

[basilandthyme]

Leave right after sex without a word? I very much doubt he zipped himself up and immediatly left without saying anything. I suspect your understanding of his words is too literal.

[interracial]

To basilandthyme,

He said he leave right after sex. He say those girls are girls fully aware that he and them are just 'one night stand'
These '1 night stand' was back in his younger days, he say he doesn't feel anything for those girls.
There was NO emotional connection to those girls. It was all Purely physical sex --- according to his own words.

And he did say he leave right away after sex, he doesn't linger around to talk to them. He doesn't keep in touch with those girls, and he doesn't even text those girl afterward. It was just Sex.
He also said he always wore Condom in his 1 night stand, because he doesn't want to pay for Child support.

I'm sorry, maybe I am tradditional Asian girl so my view is conservative, but what he doing give me the impression that he is COLD and cruel.
I'm sure if I have sex with a guy, and never hear from him again, he just dissapeared into thin air, I be sad.
Maybe those girls can do the 'sex' without feelings, but I can't.

[basilandthyme]

OK, I'm sure you're right. He sounds like a winner

[DannyBoysGrace]

If he is watching your facial expressions and being gently when it hurts you, taking your experience into consideration then it's more than just sex to him.


If he had these one night stands in the past, they're the past. It's not a person's past that counts but the present.

If he treats you right, takes you out, spends time cuddling with you etc, you're not just a toy for him.

[interracial]

He sounds like a winner

winner? lol
I'm hoping I didn't give my virginity to the wrong guy.
Maybe he might just dissapeared on me one day like he did to those girls in his '1 night stand'.

Well if that day come, I only have myself to blame for being stupid, sex was consensual anyways.

- - - Updated - - -

If he is watching your facial expressions and being gently when it hurts you, taking your experience into consideration then it's more than just sex to him.

Thank you DannyBoysGrace, for your encouraging words.

Sex to him is completely pleasure. But to me sometimes it still hurt and uncomfortable, but little pain is fine, as long as he happy.
I'm good at holding pain, so I don't make vocally loud in bed.
I guess I'm so caught up with trying to make him happy.

Maybe he stares at my facial expression is not becasue of love, but because he knows I was a virgin so he didn't want to hurt me? Maybe out of pity/sympathy?

He is a guy with rough childhood, and he growing up in the street, so he got alot of 'street smart'. Women/Sex is not his priority, his 'Street Life" is more important than women.
This is another reason why for me to be shaky, as I don't think he would settle down for any owman.

And I know his 'street life' priority, so I'm not asking him to love me. I just don't want to be his toy, where he gonna kick it to the curve once he get bored.

How to know if a guy have emotional feelings for you?

[interracial]

Happy New Year to everyone here.

[pcmaster]

Its a bit early but happy New year to you too ! Wish you stop doubting and start enjoying your relationship ^_-.