Long distance, confused feelings, and maybe the end of the best years I've ever had.

[Nicolas]

My girlfriend and I recently ran into a situation that may end our 9 year long relationship. We talked about back across the country to be closer to family and friends. Two months ago I started the process moving across country and finding a new job. Everything seemed to be going great up until a week ago when I couldn't get a hold of her over the weekend (we talk every night)and when I called her to see how everything was going she dropped the bomb she didn't think it would be a good idea to come out over Christmas as we planned and she was not sure if she was in love with me anymore. Many long discussions since then have ensued. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants but she doesn't want to lead me on and that she think she may have feelings for someone else. She has told me also she has only talked to this other individual and nothing more. As well when our argument regarding it got its most heated the reason she said she has thought of pursuing him is because he was there.
I've told her I want to fight for this and though in the past I have not been as verbal as I should be I've spilled my heart to her every time we've spoke. I feel it's wort fighting for whole heartedly. Many things issues have arisen some out of the blue, some I admit are my shortcomings. I'm trying my best to show her these how she percieves my feelings about her are not the case.I have not been the most verbal about my feelings in the past something I regret dearly and have tried to convey through writing and over the phone. One thing that has arisen is the issue of I have not married her yet something I truly want to do and have wanted to do for many years. This situation has forced me to deal with my fears regarding marriage but there is nothing better I can think of than having her as my wife.
Despite the hard talks we still find ourselves laughing in the middle of each call and remembering good things. I've planned to fly across the country to give her the present for Christmas and just reiterate how I feel in person. She tells me I'm her best friend and she loves me; but she also tells me she's feels jaded. I guess I'm confused on what to do I feel desperately I need to see her in person to discuss this and I feel if she see's me in person she'll feel the love again. I guess I'm unsure if I'm going about this the right way and gain an outside perspective.

[TablesandChairs]

Has your relationship been long distance for this whole period? How often do you see each other? From what it sounds like, your relationship hasn't progressed that much in the 9 years you've been together and I'm guessing things got stale and she's ready to move on.

[Nicolas]

Has your relationship been long distance for this whole period? How often do you see each other? From what it sounds like, your relationship hasn't progressed that much in the 9 years you've been together and I'm guessing things got stale and she's ready to move on.

The long distance has been for 2 months we lived together for almost 7 years and had a brief period of long distance before we moved in together. Up until now the only time we were not together was when she went to visit family in the summers and Christmas. She never said anything till this past week and told me she was on board for moving back east until this time.

[smackie9]

OK I'm going to be honest with you. People tend to be short sighted with their situation so I'm going to spell it out for you....you have been dragging your heels, being indecisive (fears) about marriage for 9 years, that means she is not the one, simple as that. It's ridiculous you think "discussing this" is going to change anything. She won't trust anything you say, you had 9 years of chances, and I don't blame her for wanting to move on. "Wanting" to get married and "willing" to get married are two different things. One is just talk the other is action.

I think she is being smart. Like I always say go by their actions, not by what they tell you. She understands now she is not the one.