How to deal with this relationship ?

[Perdue]

Hi !

I'm french and since almost one year now I'm in long distance relationship with an Indonesian guy.
At first all was very nice, but little by little things change and I don't know how to deal with it anymore.
This all start make me crazy and depressed so I'm here to ask you guys advice.

As I said first, all was very nice but little by little things went wrong. He start asking me stop talk to guys, and it was cute at first, so I accepted without hesitation, but now I realize it was bad idea. I no longer can talk to guys without have really bad reaction from him, even if it's just for work purpose, it's even became hard to see friend, even once a month it's too much to ask, I need give him all my free time (because «*we're from different time zone*») and even though I'm doing this for this person when it's not what I wish, this person is able rude to me, calling me bitch, say I'm not caring or not loving him. I moreover don't have right to like things such "japanese stuff" cause it's childish. this person once threat me to leave me if i don't promise to stop like it..

I understand we're from different culture and we don't have same way to act or think so i try be the most caring and understanding possible. This person seem to really love me but at same time his act are really self centered.

Here is one example that happen few day ago.
My friends organized me a half-surprise birthday with my parents cause I wasn't making it by myself and even though I prevented him, when the birthday was finished he was sad and angry I didn't give him my time, he was sad be alone. Then cause he started to rude, I told him that I was enough care of what he want but not him caring of what I want, so I asked him to have my "freedom" which mean, like what I want, can talk to guys and go out from time to time.
I promised him not talk to much and not go out too much to respect his wish too, I only asked to do «*half half*», but then.. he said that then he would do the same, he started add many girls (and of course many ex and girl loving him) and talk to them while not reply to me, obviously sending me message meant to them to me to make me jealous, said we would see each other just few.

This person in 1 minutes broke all I give to him in 10 months, he didn't give back the care i give to him (rassure me, tell everything is okay), didn't mind my feeling (adding bitches) but only used them back to make me mad and jealous and me ask him to be as we was before.
I was so sad and enough keeping this always for myself and be sad alone without anyone know it that I said it to my best friend who went talk to him just to explain things to him, not in a nasty way but he took it bad and said to me "Wow ! no one ever say this to me ! I'll show you what is jerk, coward, rude, abusive, I don't care anymore you're hurt i have no love any more ! I'll fiance and go ask X be my girl. Go to hell !" Seeing that he added X I left... (X ever said and did really bad things to me such as say lie about me, or about my boy, or said he died when he was at hospital, or even said to him that she would give him her body, ect ect..)...and now I'm not back just to think about this relationship.
Even thought 1 day before he promised not rude anymore... he did it again and add X again even thought he know how much its hurt me.

There could have many other things to add (such as the fact he compare me to other girl, that I forgive him many mistakes but he never forgive mine, I even became afraid say things to him cause I don't wanna be left.... ) but I think it's enough.

So yeah here it is.. long story but i don't know how to deal with him anymore...
I feel like I became a bad person, I no longer know what is good or bad, I become more rude to other people than him and I don't like it. I feel like I start loose my sanity...
He always success make me feel low or what I ask is bad, I don't feel like he respect me or care about my feelings.. yet he really seem to love me it make me confused.
He is a bit like «*everything or nothing*», sometimes he is so nice and some other so nasty...
I know we're different that there is many misunderstood and that we can't understand well each other but here it go really far.
I'm really sad and tired of it... but I'll try my best to pick up all the pieces..

We seem both hurt each other...
I'm honnestly not able stand without him but at same time with him I'm dying and crazy...
I stayed 1 year without say anything but now I ask it*:
Please give us advice...

Thank you all... and sorry for this long message

P.S1*: He could sometimes say I'm cheating or talking to guys and check all my messages, maybe he just miss of self confidence and care but then all I do seem have no effect.
P.S2*: He is someone who could kill himself if I break up with him, so he is pretty depressive person.
P.S3*: Sorry for my bad english :p

[Wakeup]

Just dump him for the love of Christ what is wrong that common sense didn't just tell you to block and delete him so he can't torment you anymore?

[smackie9]

Being in love can be a dicey thing. Even when we see how wrong things are, and how bad they are treated you, you still want to find a way around it. Well darlin there is not. This is not a cultural thing, this is a maturity thing. He isn't mature enough to keep his emotions in check. He is insecure, and with insecurity brings jealousy. And when they can't control it, they lash out, they intimidate you, threaten you, manipulate you, and all this just to have control over you. It's being abusive, and it is wrong. I see you understand right away your mistake to obey him by not talking to guys. He doesn't own you, you are a person of free will, and you can talk to anyone you want. So the only thing that will fix this is to get rid of the problem, and the problem is him. Dump his sorry ass. You can live without him. There are plenty of guys all around you (the ones that are wanting to talk to you) to take his place.

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Oh and here's a tip.....STOP with the LDRs. Then you will not have anymore problems like this. LDRs are painful, confusing, and stupid.