Is it worth it to try to get to know him since I probably won't see him again?

[priaz]

i developed a crush on one of the guys in my PE class on the last day of class, which is awful timing, since I probably won't see him again. I friended him, though we have no mutual friends, and he surprisingly accepted. We were taking waterpolo, but it's not being offered winter. I'm trying to petition for it, since there are quite a few people interested in it. I messaged him and he says he would be interested in taking the class again. I also asked him to ask friends to join, since I would need at least 18 people interested in order to get the class going. I only have about 10 people interested so far, so the chance that this class will be offered winter is not looking good. If the class falls through, I don't think I'll be seeing him anymore. I'd like to talk to him more, but don't want to come off as creepy. I already feel like friending him and messaging him was too overwhelming. What should I do" I'd like to get to know him better, but I don't know if i should bother, since I probably won't see him again.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, I'll give you an alternative thought that perhaps had not occurred to you....

If you'll probably never see him again, why not just go for it? I mean, if it doesn't go well and he's not interested in you, then it isn't like you'll see him every day and be uncomfortable/embarrassed. On the other hand, if you don't go for it, then you'll never know what could happen. Maybe he'd be interested in you, but just never thought to ask you out.

I've always felt the guy should make the first move, but doesn't necessarily HAVE to do so. In this day and age, it is okay if the woman makes the first move now and then. So, if you are interested in him, go for it. Maybe start slow by just keeping in touch and see how things go. Before long, though, I say give it a try. You have nothing to lose, really. But you can't win the game if you don't even play. ;-)

Good luck!

[priaz]

I don't want to come off as creepy or stalkerish though. What if he gets weirded out?

[TheEvilJester]

Well, so don't overdo it, if you know what I mean. There is nothing creepy or stalkerish about keeping in touch with somebody.

Trust me, I know just how you feel, though. I've lived my entire life with little or no self-esteem. So even if we are talking about a friend, I've often had trouble reaching out because I was sure nobody could want to hear from me anyway.

Sometimes you have to just go for it. Especially in a case like this, what do you really have to lose? If, in all likelihood you'll never see him again otherwise, then if it doesn't go well, what is the big deal? He'd disappear from your life and you'd move on and eventually forget all about him.

On the other hand, what if you try and it actually goes well? But, you will never know if you don't try.

If you are a little hesitant at first, I can understand that. So, maybe don't start off by asking him out. Just talk to him now and then. Maybe a friendly message from time to time. If that seems to go well, maybe give him your number and say "call me sometime" or "you should feel free to text me if you'd like" or something like that. If he seems reciprocal to all that, then that could tell you he is at least interested in talking to you. Maybe that would even result in him eventually asking you out. If not, though, you could always try asking him.

I mean, as long as you aren't trying to message him all hours of the day every day when you barely know him, I don't see how that could be considered "stalkerish." Heck, you've already broken the ice a little by friending him online and talking about your class. He apparently didn't seem put off by that at all.

[priaz]

maybe he responded just to be polite? I mean I asked him to ask other people to have more people in the class and he still hasn't replied.

[TheEvilJester]

Sure, he may have just responded to be polite. Even if that is the case, though, that doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't be interested in talking to you more if you gave it a try. You never known unless you try. Also, I wouldn't think too much into the fact that he didn't respond. He may just have figured that didn't necessarily need a direct response. I actually have friends like that. They don't necessarily always respond to your messages if it perhaps didn't actually require a response.

In other words, using your example.... if it were me, I would have followed up at least with a nice message even if just to say "Okay, I will do that. Thank you." That's just me. Some folks just have different e-mail etiquette, I suppose. I have friends who would be just as likely not to respond to something like that, not because they don't want to talk to me or specifically don't want to respond, but just because they didn't necessarily think it needed a response.

In other words, you didn't ask him a direct question that he needs to answer you. You just asked him to do something. I don't know if I am explaining my point well. Does that makes sense?

Anyway, let's play devil's advocate. Say you give it a try and he isn't interested. What happens? Well, then you move on and, by your own admission, you are probably not going to see him again anyway. If you try to talk to him a little here and there, you'll probably figure out pretty quickly if he is at least interested in talking to you. Again, what do you have to lose by just messaging him a little bit? Sure, it would stink if you like the guy and then you work up the nerve to send him an e-mail or whatever just to chat but he doesn't seem interested in even giving you a moment of his time. But, at least then you would know and can move on. Trust me, the doubt will be even worse. If you psyche yourself out of ever doing it, you'll just be left to wonder what could have happened if you had tried.

So, again, just try messaging him a bit in a more friendly nature. Instead of talking about the class, just ask about him, and try to strike up a conversation. Take it from there and see if he seems to reciprocate interest. Good luck!

[priaz]

well he kinda did follow up at the time. He said he would ask a friend of his who took the class as well, and i said thanks. I don't want to be the one who keeps initiating contact all the time. I friended him and messaged him the first time. It would be nice if he messaged me first for a change.

[TheEvilJester]

You are absolutely right. It would be nice. But, so far that's really the only interaction you have had with him outside of the class. So, he may just not be thinking of it. He may think you really only reached out to him for that reason and that was it.

So, you are definitely right that you shouldn't always be the one initiating contact, but it doesn't hurt if you get the ball rolling first. If he doesn't otherwise contact you, maybe try reaching out again, but more in a friendly nature. Like I said before, this time around don't talk about the class at all, or if you do keep that to a minimum. Instead, make it just a friendly conversation, asking about him or whatever.

Like I said, yes, you initiated the contact first. Still, you more so did that in an official capacity. In other words, it was strictly regarding the class. Like I said, he may have figured that was really the only reason you were messaging him.

If you do start to talk to him, then I would definitely agree that he should be the one to initiate contact sometimes as well. But, at least take a chance before you decide that. If you actually start to be friendly, but he never reaches out first, then I'd worry about that at the time. For now, give it a try and see how things go. Once again, good luck!

[priaz]

Oh i see. Im just worried he'll think im weird for asking about something other than class.