My girlfriend is 16 years older than me, should we break up?

[Harpo]

Hi.

I'm a 26 year old male, I have had a relationship with a woman for 3 whole years now. She is 42 years old. This is my first real relationship.

She is very much in love with me and I love her too. But there have always been a doubt in my mind about whether our age difference will be a problem in the future. Right now we get along great because she is very youthful and except from our ages there really aren't any problems at all.

I feel that if we were the same age, I would have asked her to marry me already, because she really is the greatest girlfriend personality wise. As we have been together 3 years now I am thinking that this is it, either I marry this girl now or we break up.

I don't think I'm going to want to have children but I would like to leave the children aspect out of the question.

I just need some general life advice from someone who have an objective opinion, or experience on the subject. I'm afraid that in maybe 3-10 years we will start to see problems arising because of this. What do you think?

Thank you.

[pcmaster]

Well enjoy every moment together and when there is starting too much problems because of age then break up and find another girl. I mean no need to fix it if its not broken. So far you dont want kids anyway so theres no rush to break up.

[otfs]

I believe you should just enjoy the moment.
If you two like each other, then that's it. Just wait a while, and talk to her about your job, children, and everything else. I believe you don't need to marry someone this early, but that's just what I think. You two are relatively young. Just have some fun.

[Wakeup]

Yes...just stick it out until her crazy surfaces (she's a few short years from menopause) you'll definitely not want to hang around someone you're not really committed to when that happens.

[katyk]

Wakeup - not everyone goes 'crazy' during the menopause! Many don't even notice it! But OP... you do what you feel is right for you. You said you WOULD marry her if she were younger? Well that kind of indicates you don't feel it is right for you. You could be thinking you may like children at some point even though you don't want to bring it into the equation just now? No reason why she should stop being fun though.

[dontaskme]

YES!!! She is too old for you. You are in very different stages in life. She maybe fun now but picture what your relationship will be like with her when she's 60 and your only 44, do you like what you see? Do you feel like you can introduce your then 60 year old wife/GF to new friends, acquaintances, or colleagues without feeling embarrassed? Would you even enjoy hanging out with her friends who will be in the same age bracket as her while you are still in your early 40's? At that stage, your sexual drives may also differ, have you given that a thought?

Every one here who said "just enjoy your relationship with her" are crazy because while you are doing that, you are missing the opportunity to meet the person who will not cloud your head with doubts as to whether she is the right one for you or not.

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So the answer IMO is yes, break up with her and find someone closer to your age.

[Harpo]

YES!!! She is too old for you. You are in very different stages in life. She maybe fun now but picture what your relationship will be like with her when she's 60 and your only 44, do you like what you see? Do you feel like you can introduce your then 60 year old wife/GF to new friends, acquaintances, or colleagues without feeling embarrassed? Would you even enjoy hanging out with her friends who will be in the same age bracket as her while you are still in your early 40's? At that stage, your sexual drives may also differ, have you given that a thought?

Every one here who said "just enjoy your relationship with her" are crazy because while you are doing that, you are missing the opportunity to meet the person who will not cloud your head with doubts as to whether she is the right one for you or not.

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So the answer IMO is yes, break up with her and find someone closer to your age.

Thank all of you for the answers. It almost brings a tear to my eye just thinking about breaking up with her. But I think that I need to be rational here, because it's just like dontaskme says. I feel that if I'm thinking straight now I will thank myself in the future, there's a chance of course that I will regret the decision like, forever, but I think it's a risk worth taking in the long run.

I have to think it is a better option to break up now than to break up in 3 more years when we are even more committed to each other. Truth is I'm in no hurry to find anyone else, but I sort of feel like I am wasting her time continuing the relationship with these doubts. Because I want her to have a stable relationship, she deserves it. And as long as we are together she can't find someone that she can spend the whole of her life with.

So I can't just "wait and have fun", or is that what people do? Pardon my confusion but like I said this is my first real relationship...

[Wakeup]

Wakeup - not everyone goes 'crazy' during the menopause! Many don't even notice it!

Your point being?

[breathe123]

Why didn't you think about this for the last three years? Talk to her not strangers online about this, especially since you said you love each other. Communicate to the one you love & maybe she will see it the same as you, you never know or maybe she will say something to let you see things differently but only hers and your opinions count in this matter~ best of luck with your talk.

[Harpo]

I have talked with her about it, and her reply is simply, it is worth being together because she loves me, and who knows what the future holds. Which is true, but maybe there's a better hypothetical situation out there. Maybe I'm just thinking too much... -.-

[dontaskme]

You're not over thinking this. The doubt in your head is your gut telling you that something isn't right or going to be right. Love is not always permanent, like any feeling, it can change over time.

If I were you, break up and hurt now than break up and hurt later for both of you. At least you aren't selfish and are still thinking of her well being by saying that breaking up now will give her the opportunity to meet someone closer to her age than if you break up when she's 50 and the window of opportunity for her to meet someone will be narrower.

Always listen to your gut because it never fails you. I'm sorry but life doesn't always have a fairytale ending specially the one's in your situation. Like you said, this is your first serious relationship, I think it is important that you experience other relationships specially with women closer to your age before settling down so you will not be regretting anything in the future.

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And you can't talk to her about your doubts. She will definitely encourage you to stay with her and try to change your mind about breaking up and attempt for you to see things differently. Why? Because she is way more invested in this than you are whether you believe it or not.

[Harpo]

Thank you, you seem to have the same opinion as me...

I agree, if you feel somethings wrong in your gut, it probably is, at least it's harder to live with... ^^

[TheEvilJester]

Age alone is not a reason not to be together. If you two are in love, then what does it matter? Age is just a number. The thing is, if this is bothering you now, that probably isn't going to change. 16 years is pretty significant. Nobody could blame you for thinking that is too much of an age difference. Though, the question then is why was it not too much when you got together with her, but it suddenly is now?

You need to really think long and hard about this. This is not a decision to take lightly. If you truly do feel the age difference is too much, then you owe it to her and to yourself to break it off as soon as possible. You could be wasting time for both of you that you could have been finding your true matches.

At the same time, though, you shouldn't just carelessly through away a good relationship without putting some serious thought into it. It sounds like you have done that, and have decided that the age difference is just too much. So, if that is the case, then I suppose that is your decision. Still, I would say you shouldn't make a decision like that too hastily, and yet at the same time not drag it out too long.

Good luck to you, though. I hope you do decide what you want to do, and I hope it works out for you both either way.

[dontaskme]

Age alone is not a reason not to be together. If you two are in love, then what does it matter? Age is just a number.

You don't think that at his age (26 y/o) and his lack of experience in serious relationship, he doesn't owe it to himself to get involve with other relationships with girls closer to his age before deciding to settle down with a much older woman?

OP, you owe to yourself to at least undergo different relationship experiences. The age gap is a big problem now, and it will be in the future. No matter what the other posters say, I've seen this happen too many times where the other partner is way too old but went through living or getting married with the partner anyway, only to eventually be separated or divorced and I'm sure you have ideas why these sort of things happen.

[breathe123]

Show her this thread you made that should settle it for you without having any more in depth if you actual did have any in depth discussions. I feel you already decided what you want to do so no point beating it to death in online posts.