My friend's little brother made a move on me

[dadadaduh]

So I am 19 and my friend's little brother (Let's name him Tom) is 15. I was hanging out with his sister and we got drunk. I got particularly sick, because she was impaired too, she asked him to get me to bed. He brought me to the bed and tried making a move on me saying he always liked me. He kissed my neck, pressed up against me, and even grabbed my boobs and buttocks (Lol, trying to make light of the situation), but I (because I am a virgin and have not even had my first kiss) got really upset and started crying. He then said he was sorry and put me to bed. Apparently the next day My friend told me I kept hugging him and telling him he smelt good. (Oh GOD KILL ME NOOOOW!) So he might have got the wrong message. Now I was really drunk so I think he thinks I don't remember it, but I do. He won't even be in the same room as me anymore. I am really confused. All of these emotions are piled up in me. The fact that I got so messed up I almost let my friend's little brother touch me. The fact he ACTUALLY likes me and that I don't know how to act around him anymore, before I treated him like my family. I known them almost all my life. Now I am confused. I haven't told my best friend cause I don't want her thinking I am trying to be a pedo after her brother (cause trust me I AM NOT) but how should I feel? I have never been in a relationship, had sex, or been kissed. So I feel a bit used. I should be smarter about this I know, but I just am lost.

[CrasherRob8]

Stop drinking to the point where you lose control of your actions. Also the fact a 15 year old tried to make a move on a 19 year old who was obviously not able to take care of herself shows that he is a creep. I can just imagine what he will try and do when he gets older. If your friend is anywhere close to being a good friend, she will understand what happened and that your actions were primarily affected by your severe intoxication and she should go off on her little brother who seriously needs some help

[TheEvilJester]

Sorry, but I am just a little confused as to the details of your story. So, are you saying that, while drunk, you were hanging all over him and telling him he smelled good and stuff like that? Or he was doing that to you?

The other part having me a bit confused.... He kissed your neck, grabbed your boobs, grabbed your butt, pressed up against you.... That is a lot of activity. Did you do anything immediately to show you didn't want him doing this, or did it take you some time to react?

Please do not misunderstand. I am not, in any way, trying to say it was your fault. At the end of the day, it isn't okay for somebody to just go ahead and do these sort of things without first having your consent. However, I also try to be reluctant to just label somebody a creep. It could possibly have just been a terrible misunderstanding. That is why I ask. Especially with him being so young. If you were hanging all over him, you may just have meant it to be friendly, but he may have taken it differently.

That doesn't make it okay for him to just grab you without your consent, so you do have a right to be upset with him. To me, the specific details are what would differentiate if he was perhaps just overzealous and made a mistake, or if he is a creep who deserved a swift kick to the groin.

Another question, was he also drunk? I know he's under age, but when has that ever stopped anybody? Again, that is still no excuse, but it could also clarify why he may have misunderstood your intentions.

You definitely have the right to feel upset either way. Especially as it is just poor manners to go for something like that when somebody is drunk anyway. If he was a true gentleman, even if he thought you liked him, he wouldn't make a move while you were drunk. It's just the difference between are you upset but forgive and forget (if it was just an honest mistake/misunderstanding) or are you upset and decide he's a creep who should never be allowed near you again (if it was not so innocent and he was blatantly taking advantage).

But, I will repeat, bottom line is it is NEVER okay to do something like that without your consent.

[dadadaduh]

Sorry, but I am just a little confused as to the details of your story. So, are you saying that, while drunk, you were hanging all over him and telling him he smelled good and stuff like that? Or he was doing that to you?

The other part having me a bit confused.... He kissed your neck, grabbed your boobs, grabbed your butt, pressed up against you.... That is a lot of activity. Did you do anything immediately to show you didn't want him doing this, or did it take you some time to react?

Please do not misunderstand. I am not, in any way, trying to say it was your fault. At the end of the day, it isn't okay for somebody to just go ahead and do these sort of things without first having your consent. However, I also try to be reluctant to just label somebody a creep. It could possibly have just been a terrible misunderstanding. That is why I ask. Especially with him being so young. If you were hanging all over him, you may just have meant it to be friendly, but he may have taken it differently.

That doesn't make it okay for him to just grab you without your consent, so you do have a right to be upset with him. To me, the specific details are what would differentiate if he was perhaps just overzealous and made a mistake, or if he is a creep who deserved a swift kick to the groin.

Another question, was he also drunk? I know he's under age, but when has that ever stopped anybody? Again, that is still no excuse, but it could also clarify why he may have misunderstood your intentions.

You definitely have the right to feel upset either way. Especially as it is just poor manners to go for something like that when somebody is drunk anyway. If he was a true gentleman, even if he thought you liked him, he wouldn't make a move while you were drunk. It's just the difference between are you upset but forgive and forget (if it was just an honest mistake/misunderstanding) or are you upset and decide he's a creep who should never be allowed near you again (if it was not so innocent and he was blatantly taking advantage).

But, I will repeat, bottom line is it is NEVER okay to do something like that without your consent.

Oh sorry I didn't explain much in detail. I was drunk when I was hanging all over him. Even so, I didn't mean it in a "I want to have sex way". To be honest, I think he did have something to drink, but I was out before it started (It was quite an emotional night). It took me a minute to realize what was going on, but once I did, told him to get off of him. He did and said sorry then put me to bed. I am not mad; embarrassed yes, but not mad. I just don't know how to react. I said I don't remember anything just to see how he would react and he looked relieved. It is just a weird feeling, because I have never been put in a situation like this before. I don't know how to react to him anymore. I am now conscious that he likes me and I don't want to give him anymore ideas, but I still care for him.

[TablesandChairs]

He's a 15 year old boy - he likes anyone with boobs! Not sure why you would find this so baffling - that's the nature of 15 year old boys and their sisters friends...been there.

Just act normally and like another poster suggested - control your alcohol intake. There's nothing glamorous about getting so drunk that you inadvertently flirt with your friends little
brother.

[Wakeup]

I'll tell you how to react to him... You tell him outright that accosting someone who is drunk and has not given him consent is a good way for him to get a rape charge against him when he gets older and that if he's smart, he'll NEVER try anything like that again on someone who has not given him permission to do it. A DRUNK girl is INCAPABLE of giving informed consent. Make sure you tell him that in those exact words.

Then... after that you don't feel any awkwardness at all. You have taken charge of the situation and you've handled it the way any responsible older girl should handle a 15 year old who doesn't have a clue about what is and isn't appropriate.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I definitely agree that doing something like this when somebody is drunk is wrong. Still unless he is a serial offender, I don't know if quite that harsh a reaction is necessary. He may not be a creep, he may just be a typical 15 year old boy who mistook a gal's friendly gestures as meaning she was into him.

Still, maybe I am overly gentlemanly, but I still cannot understand the attitude that doing something like that would be okay anyway, even if she weren't drunk. What happened to asking a girl out to find out if she likes you? All the heavy petting can come later if things go well. But, again, I would hesitate to label him a creep when it could have just been an honest misunderstanding. However, I would definitely say some kind of reaction is warranted. He should know that it would not be okay to do something like that again in the future, with the OP or anybody.

[Wakeup]

Sorry, but it doesn't matter if you think he need be told off so harshly or not... It's what he did that needs to be spelled out in no uncertain terms that it's wrong and he should NEVER do such a thing again. If he did what he did to anyone else they could have him up on sexual assault. Op still could but won't which will leave the little douche with NO negative consequences for his actions.

Telling him off is how RAPE CULTURE is stopped. Defending him (yes, even by saying it needn't be so harsh) is condoning it.

Time to stop thinking that this kind of thing is due to being "a typical 15 year old boy" There should be nothing "typical" about this and with education, teenage boys will understand that it's NOT okay.

Sorry Jester but everyone has to educate young men CAN NOT just take that kind of liberty. That consent cannot be given when the girl is drunk and so he should assume the answer is NO and not take liberties like he has ~ Even if she is being a cock teaser. THAT is what every mother should be teaching their sons.

[TheEvilJester]

You know, you are right. My concern was people throw around words like "rape" or "molestation" too easily these days, and they are words that can ruin somebody's life. But, honestly, you do make a good point and I can't say I don't agree. What he did to her was NOT okay. I personally cannot even fathom doing something like that to somebody without first having consent. It's sometimes hard for me to know what "normal" peeps consider acceptable though because I admittedly am a bit overly gentlemanly. There is a lot people consider normal these days that I personally find just downright rude.

But, I've got to say that I do agree with you. There should be nothing that says his actions were okay, or even understandable. Even if she was kind of hanging all over him and possibly sending him messages she hadn't intended, that does not equal consent for these kind of actions.

So, I think I agree with you. Maybe he never meant any harm, but he should still be made very aware that his actions are NOT okay and that they should never be repeated.

[Wakeup]

... Thank you, Jester. I found it shocking that people were cultivating rape culture by not even addressing what he did but instead just chastising her for getting drunk. Now, doing THAT as a steady diet is a stupid thing to be doing but it does not mean that she should be allowed to do once and a while and feel safe doing it. NO woman (or man for that matter) should have to fear being molested just because they've drank so much. Every young man should be trained, educated that a drunk girl cannot give proper consent. If they didn't try anything with someone drunk (even if they were coming onto them but rather dismissed themselves from the scene) then there wouldn't be so many charges of rape or the word being thrown around as much either.

Cheers.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I agree it is just plain wrong to do anything with/to somebody who is drunk. Maybe I'm the one who is weird, but even if I had a humongous crush on a girl, if she got drunk and suddenly was hanging all over me, I wouldn't feel right in the slightest doing anything. Even so much as a kiss. If something was ever going to happen, I would want it to happen because she is aware of what is going on and WANTS it to happen. Not because she is drunk.

I dunno. Maybe I'm the weird one, but I just couldn't even fathom that. It would feel phony.