why is my boyfriend behaving so weird latelly?

[katyk]

Ahh...don'taskme...you hit the nail on the head ....sexual 'compatibility'. Not everyone is the same. I know of couples who never even have sex but are still really happy - not saying me - but it is all about compatibility and if a couple doesn't feel the need to 'try before they buy' for whatever reason then its very much up to them. What I would never do is make anyone feel they are freaks. Some people do have low libidos or they feel restricted for religious or cultural reasons. There is only a problem when one is rampant and the other happy with kissing and cuddling i.m.o.

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Sorry....I wanted to add....your comment "Women shouldn't sleep with men unless they are in exclusive relationship. " is very generalised also. Who says they shouldn't if they feel like it?

[dontaskme]

Ahh...don'taskme...you hit the nail on the head ....sexual 'compatibility'. Not everyone is the same. I know of couples who never even have sex but are still really happy - not saying me - but it is all about compatibility and if a couple doesn't feel the need to 'try before they buy' for whatever reason then its very much up to them. What I would never do is make anyone feel they are freaks. Some people do have low libidos or they feel restricted for religious or cultural reasons. There is only a problem when one is rampant and the other happy with kissing and cuddling i.m.o.

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Sorry....I wanted to add....your comment "Women shouldn't sleep with men unless they are in exclusive relationship. " is very generalised also. Who says they shouldn't if they feel like it?

Yeah, if these women would listen to you, then there should be no women posting here complaining they don't understand why men would not commit to them when they already had sex. And perhaps, men would not compel to cheat on their wives or wives complaining about their husbands not wanting to have sex with them or masturbating too much instead of having sex with them, lmao.

Perhaps you shouldn't live in a vacuum because this is exactly the problem why you have so many posters posting the same shit, because no matter where the fukc in the world you are, problems are not so much different after all!

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And if you truly believe you shouldn't try before you buy, then you are not an educated consumer at all. Same goes with relationship, you're diving into it not knowing what you are getting into. This is the kind of thing that spells out trouble before trouble even begins.

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And since I'm known for my bluntness in this forum, I might as well go all the way here.

OP, in as much as people want to be nice to you and say what you want to hear, I might as well be your devil's advocate and tell you to lean on the side of caution.

You're age gap is a problem. If he was in his 30's and had a taste of life and you in your 40's, maybe not such a problem at all. He's still in school, I would assume that by the time he finishes school and will pass the bar, he would want to work and establish his own practice before settling down, yes? You think it's realistic for this guy to get married right away and have kids as soon as he passes the board exam? I don't think so.

You are his first GF which means he never had experienced having other relationship. Chances are, eventually, he would want to have that experience specially when he becomes successful in his career as a practicing lawyer, women will be flocking after him. Hell, you might as well allow him to get the experience now.

You live 11 minutes away, yet you don't see him for four months because your excuse is his school is too far. Fukc me, but if he can commute an hour or two to go to school, he can commute 11 minutes to see you once a week.

Another problem, you've been together for three years and yet you never had sex? I don't care what the dumb poster is telling you above but a guy his age should want to be intimate with his girlfriend specially if he's talking about wanting to marry the girlfriend.

You do the math here. You're supposed to be the mature one. Go figure your relationship with him and if you can't, I think it's time for a serious and realistic talk with your boyfriend.

I'm not saying that your relationship with him would not work, but it's better to clear the air with him instead of assuming that things are fine the way they are.

[Wakeup]

So, has he broken up with you yet, Lilly or is he still keeping the door open by not actually talking to you while you sit and wait for him?

In other words... how about an update on your situation. Is he still seeming to back away and ignore you or is he speaking regularly with you again?

[katyk]

Dontaskme: I would respond but have no idea what you mean by this
"
Yeah, if these women would listen to you, then there should be no women posting here complaining they don't understand why men would not commit to them when they already had sex. And perhaps, men would not compel to cheat on their wives or wives complaining about their husbands not wanting to have sex with them or masturbating too much instead of having sex with them, lmao." (I will have to learn how to quote properly lol)

My whole point is there are NO set rules for any of it! What's yours? Oh and I am far from dumb! lol

[dontaskme]

^^^ Yeah, if you really are smart, go figure the types of problems being posted here. Women not understanding why men would not commit into having a relationship after having had sex numerous times with them.

Do you see any posters parading any stories about feeling okay sleeping with guys even if they aren't committed because that's the extent of the relationship? Of course not! This is a love forum and the people posting here are the ones having issues and not understanding why they cannot get their "friend" to commit when their relationship is nothing but FWB.

Of course there are plenty of women who would sleep around with men and not expect anything in return because that's exactly what they want (who the fukc are you kidding? I live in a very large city in America and that's not uncommon at all!).... But you don't see those women posting on here, do you. So yeah, I generalized for the dumb women who just don't get it why sex is not a way to get into a man's heart.

And as to your point about your friends being happy not having sex??? Yeah right, you should know that people can throw all sorts of facade to make it seem like there are no problems in their relationship but you don't really know what goes beyond the closed bedroom door, do you?

And you think it's smart to tell this OP that it's okay not to have sex with his baby BF after three years of being together specially when the odds of having a fairytale ending is so against her? Yeah smarty pants, good advice, you seem to know how this is going to end for her, lmao.

And perhaps to expand your wits ( since you claim to have some wisdom in you) why don't you do a search and look at the stats on how many couples get divorced because of sexual incompatibility, men cheating on their wives or spouses refusing to sleep with their partners, becoming emotionally detached with their partners? Whether you care to admit it or not, SEX is another way for couples to strengthen their bond and you are naive if you think that it's enough for couples to just hug and cuddle in the absence of sex.

I happen to know this shit because my two brothers are divorce lawyers. So if your basing your wits on your experience with your friends, get real and broaden your horizon cause you seem to exist in a very small world!

[lilly2015]

I think people often do put WAY too much importance on sex. I think that can often times really hinder relationships. Sex IS important, though. If you are not sexually compatible with somebody, it can and probably will lead to problems in the relationship. I guess that is why the thoughts on this seem to have kind of switched in our society these days, and now people seem to almost think it is weird to wait until marriage.

Personally, I admire it. I think it is noble. It would probably be a good idea to at least talk about it, though. Get an idea of what you both like sexually so you can at least have some idea of if you are compatible in that regard. Otherwise, that would be one example of why waiting for marriage could wind up being a mistake in certain situations. It would suck to fall in love and get married only to discover there are huge differences between what you both like sexually that you just cannot get past.

On a side note, I am really sorry to hear about all the rough times you went through. I wish there was something I could say to help, but that is the sort of thing where words just do not do it justice. So, I will just wish you the best. You most definitely do deserve to finally find your happiness. Good luck.

Yes,unfortunatelly,sex is everything nowadays,which i dont understand!!In a relationship there is so much more then only sex!
Thank you! Yes,we talk about it and what we would like to do.And seems we have a lot in common in that matter too
Thank you for your kind words!yes,my life was never easy and that’s why my bf is always careful in his behavior around me….to protect me.he doesn’t want to scare me.

[dontaskme]

Fukc me... But I think this Lilly is a freakin' troll!!!

[lilly2015]

Has he gotten back to you yet?
I feel like it is something rather positive

Yes,he is very sweet now
Well he told me this yesterday:” I love u *blushing* I want to be close to you. Honey, may I tell you something? I wish to see our children very soon. I will fight for us and our children. You made me very happy today.Because you agreeded to meet me. You are so cute and kind. you will be overwhelmed in a positive way.Like in a dream. But surprise. “
So I believe it will be a very special surprise that he will make me!!

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I find it interesting (almost amusing) reading the horror in a post that someone hasn't had sex before marriage lol....it wasn't that long ago horror was expressed for the opposite reason! In fact, many cultures do still frown on it so I guess as this is a multi cultural board we should be aware of this. Each to their own is generally my motto. I really am rooting for you Lily and hope it all works out. You both sound so adorable.

I think you are right…everyone should respect other people choices,after all no one is the same way!
Thank you for your good wishes for us and for thinking that we are an adorable couple. That means a lot! We will show everyone that they are wrong to think it cant work.

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^^^ Ah, sexual compatibility??? It's a big deal!

Women shouldn't sleep with men unless they are in exclusive relationship. This couple has been together for a long time and is planning to get married. I think it's time to test the water. For all you know,this guy is gay and actually prefers man over a woman, lol!

hey,first,my bf is not gay,ok?Is because of mentality like that,that our world is the way it is!!!
second,we talk about intimacy and what we like and want to…we just didn’t do it yet!

[dontaskme]

^^^ Why don't you fukc him to find out? Lmao!

[lilly2015]

Ahh...don'taskme...you hit the nail on the head ....sexual 'compatibility'. Not everyone is the same. I know of couples who never even have sex but are still really happy - not saying me - but it is all about compatibility and if a couple doesn't feel the need to 'try before they buy' for whatever reason then its very much up to them. What I would never do is make anyone feel they are freaks. Some people do have low libidos or they feel restricted for religious or cultural reasons. There is only a problem when one is rampant and the other happy with kissing and cuddling i.m.o.

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Sorry....I wanted to add....your comment "Women shouldn't sleep with men unless they are in exclusive relationship. " is very generalised also. Who says they shouldn't if they feel like it?

I 100% agree!!!I know many couples that waited too and they have happy marriages and some for more then 30 years.

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Yeah, if these women would listen to you, then there should be no women posting here complaining they don't understand why men would not commit to them when they already had sex. And perhaps, men would not compel to cheat on their wives or wives complaining about their husbands not wanting to have sex with them or masturbating too much instead of having sex with them, lmao.

Perhaps you shouldn't live in a vacuum because this is exactly the problem why you have so many posters posting the same shit, because no matter where the fukc in the world you are, problems are not so much different after all!

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And if you truly believe you shouldn't try before you buy, then you are not an educated consumer at all. Same goes with relationship, you're diving into it not knowing what you are getting into. This is the kind of thing that spells out trouble before trouble even begins.

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And since I'm known for my bluntness in this forum, I might as well go all the way here.

OP, in as much as people want to be nice to you and say what you want to hear, I might as well be your devil's advocate and tell you to lean on the side of caution.

You're age gap is a problem. If he was in his 30's and had a taste of life and you in your 40's, maybe not such a problem at all. He's still in school, I would assume that by the time he finishes school and will pass the bar, he would want to work and establish his own practice before settling down, yes? You think it's realistic for this guy to get married right away and have kids as soon as he passes the board exam? I don't think so.

You are his first GF which means he never had experienced having other relationship. Chances are, eventually, he would want to have that experience specially when he becomes successful in his career as a practicing lawyer, women will be flocking after him. Hell, you might as well allow him to get the experience now.

You live 11 minutes away, yet you don't see him for four months because your excuse is his school is too far. Fukc me, but if he can commute an hour or two to go to school, he can commute 11 minutes to see you once a week.

Another problem, you've been together for three years and yet you never had sex? I don't care what the dumb poster is telling you above but a guy his age should want to be intimate with his girlfriend specially if he's talking about wanting to marry the girlfriend.

You do the math here. You're supposed to be the mature one. Go figure your relationship with him and if you can't, I think it's time for a serious and realistic talk with your boyfriend.

I'm not saying that your relationship with him would not work, but it's better to clear the air with him instead of assuming that things are fine the way they are.

Hey!!!! its my life and my choice -.- and, why the hell you all care what i decide or choose to do :| I love him and he loves me, and, we both are soulmates.... even he has realized that... so just, geroff -.- oh right...no one of u know what means true soulmates(our other half and what u feel when u meet that person)because u never had that luck!
My bf is a very special guy and very mature for his age!he told me he wants to have a family.

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So, has he broken up with you yet, Lilly or is he still keeping the door open by not actually talking to you while you sit and wait for him?

In other words... how about an update on your situation. Is he still seeming to back away and ignore you or is he speaking regularly with you again?

We are fine now and still together,althought everyone is trying to break it!!But well,when the love is too much strong,nothing can break it!We will meet on weeekend.As soon as i know what is the surprise he is making..i will tell something!

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Dontaskme: I would respond but have no idea what you mean by this
"
Yeah, if these women would listen to you, then there should be no women posting here complaining they don't understand why men would not commit to them when they already had sex. And perhaps, men would not compel to cheat on their wives or wives complaining about their husbands not wanting to have sex with them or masturbating too much instead of having sex with them, lmao." (I will have to learn how to quote properly lol)

My whole point is there are NO set rules for any of it! What's yours? Oh and I am far from dumb! lol

Good answer people like to judge others too much believe me but is just for jealousy!!

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^^^ Yeah, if you really are smart, go figure the types of problems being posted here. Women not understanding why men would not commit into having a relationship after having had sex numerous times with them.

Do you see any posters parading any stories about feeling okay sleeping with guys even if they aren't committed because that's the extent of the relationship? Of course not! This is a love forum and the people posting here are the ones having issues and not understanding why they cannot get their "friend" to commit when their relationship is nothing but FWB.

Of course there are plenty of women who would sleep around with men and not expect anything in return because that's exactly what they want (who the fukc are you kidding? I live in a very large city in America and that's not uncommon at all!).... But you won't see those women posting on here, do you. So yeah, I generalized for the dumb women who just don't get it why sex is not a way to get into a man's heart.

And as to your point about your friends being happy not having sex??? Yeah right, you should know that people can throw all sorts of facade to make it seem like there are no problems in their relationship but you don't really know what goes beyond the closed bedroom door, do you?

And you think it's smart to tell this OP that it's okay not to have sex with his baby BF after three years of being together specially when the odds of having a fairytale ending is so against her? Yeah smarty pants, good advice, you seem to know how this is going to end for her, lmao.

And perhaps to expand your wits ( since you claim to have some wisdom in you) why don't you do a search and look at the stats on how many couples get divorced because of sexual incompatibility, men cheating on their wives or spouses refusing to sleep with their partners, becoming emotionally unattached to their partners? Whether you care to admit it or not, SEX is another way for couples to strengthen their bond and you are naive if you think that it's enough for couples to just hug and cuddle in the absence of sex.

I happen to know this shit because my two brothers are divorce lawyers. So if your basing your wits on your experience with your friends, get real and broaden your horizon cause you seem to exist in a very small world!

Hey!!!! its my life and my choice -.- and, why the hell you all care what i decide or choose to do :| I love him and he loves me, and, we both are soulmates.... even he has realized that... so just, geroff -.- oh right...no one of u know what means true soulmates(our other half and what u feel when u meet that person)because u never had that luck!
My bf is a very special guy and very mature for his age!he told me he wants to have a family.And if the surprise he will make me is the thing I’m thinking…this will be a slap in everyone’s faces!!!
There is ways to tell things,without insult or being mean!

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Fukc me... But I think this Lilly is a freakin' troll!!!

Hey!!!! its my life and my choice -.- and, why the hell you all care what i decide or choose to do :| I love him and he loves me, and, we both are soulmates.... even he has realized that... so just, geroff -.- oh right...no one of u know what means true soulmates(our other half and what u feel when u meet that person)because u never had that luck!
My bf is a very special guy and very mature for his age!he told me he wants to have a family.And if the surprise he will make me is the thing I’m thinking…this will be a slap in everyone’s faces!!!
There is ways to tell things,without insult or being mean!
And don’t u dare to call me troll….if u are a frustrated person who cant see others happy,your problem.But u dont need to be rude because i wasnt rude for you!

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^^^ Why don't you fukc him to find out? Lmao!

Sorry???That was very rude!!!

[pcmaster]

I absolutely can see this couple together and happy. As more Lilly explains as easier it is to see.

[katyk]

who said that sex is way to get into a man's heart? certainly not me. You generalised by saying they 'women shouldn't have sex with a man until they are in a committed relationship' or words to that effect.

Yes, SOME people ARE happy without sex. That is all I can say on that. In the same way some people can have the most amazing sex lives and one or the other still strays! So agree, you never know what goes on beyond the closed bedroom door!

What exactly is a fairy tale ending? Does anyone have them?

You can laugh your a off all you want but fact is nobody actually knows, not even you 'smarty pants' how this will end. We can advise all we want but nobody knows for sure although you kind of think you have some kind of superior knowledge?

I totally agree that many people split because of sexual incompatibility....what I was saying was IF there is compatibility it doesn't matter whether they are at it like rabbits or just kiss and cuddle and enjoy each others company!

Incidentally SEX does NOT strengthen any bond...if it did there would be no affairs and broken hearted mistresses (or male equivalents) would there? How many people in affairs proclaim "but the sex was mind blowing"? Doesn't keep them in a relationship does it and also doesn't stop people straying.

Wow you know this because your two brothers are divorce lawyers? Well you must know it all then pmsl..... My world is not small hon.

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I thought I would just follow this up dontaskme and clarify....Many men proclaim to have sexless marriage to an unsuspecting potential mistress. The mistress then obliges in the bedroom department and their sex life is wonderful - so she thinks - Does this form a bond? Absolutely not, nearly all affairs grind to a messy halt when the wife finds out and the husband chooses to stay with the sexless, loveless marriage! (am using the women but I know it happens to men also).

Not only that but many wives will have no knowledge of this alleged sexless, loveless marriage as their marriage has been perfect in their eyes.

Even if it isn't the men, more often than not will stay with their wives, good bad or indifferent so no, I can't agree that good sex necessarily keeps a relationship in tact in the same way that a life without sex automatically dictates failure! A true relationship is so much more than sex and although you (and possibly myself too as I am not speaking about myself) find it hard to believe anyone can form a relationship unless sex is involved. I don't think anyone can 'generalise' and if Lily and her partner are happy with things the way they are who is anyone else to accuse them of being freaks or trolls for that matter? Lily will sort it out in her own time, in her own way. That is all...

[dontaskme]

^^^Lol to your response. If Lilly wasn't a troll I would totally get into your head and continue with this debate but clearly, the OP isn't worth the time anymore.

I'll see you on the next thread!

[Wakeup]

Yes,unfortunatelly,sex is everything nowadays,which i dont understand!!In a relationship there is so much more then only sex!

Well you're not in one of those.

Yes,we talk about it and what we would like to do.And seems we have a lot in common in that matter too

Then why are you so angst ridden that you had to start a thread asking strangers what was wrong with your relationship... that it seems he's not into you anymore.

Thank you for your kind words!yes,my life was never easy and that’s why my bf is always careful in his behavior around me….to protect me.he doesn’t want to scare me.

Oh... but that is not what you said in your opening post.

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Yes,he is very sweet now
Well he told me this yesterday:” I love u *blushing* I want to be close to you. Honey, may I tell you something? I wish to see our children very soon. I will fight for us and our children. You made me very happy today.Because you agreeded to meet me. You are so cute and kind. you will be overwhelmed in a positive way.Like in a dream. But surprise. “
So I believe it will be a very special surprise that he will make me!!

Words without action are JUST WORDS. Have you seen him or are you going to wait until its six months before you see any of the results of what HIS WORDS promise?

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P.S. If he doesn't put his schlong inside you... you'll never see "your children" never mind seeing them "soon." *rolls eyes*

[lilly2015]

I absolutely can see this couple together and happy. As more Lilly explains as easier it is to see.

Oh thank you that you think that!It’s very important for us to have some support!
A common friend ask some questions to my boyfriend and his answers were so sweet.I show them here and then I want to see if anyone have the courage to doubt anymore that he is really serious.
1-What are u ready to do to not loose Lilly forever?
His answer: “I will do whatever is needed. I will visit her and be very sweet with her and do couple things.I’m scared of loosing her.”
2- Do u want to get intimate with her(sex and so on)?
His answer:” I will do it, when she feels ready for it and what she wants to do. There belong 2 people for this. This is when and what I want to do in intimate things(he knows I was raped so he fears to hurt me).”
3- What would u think and feel if Lilly wants to wait with lets say “sex”,until marriage?
His answer:” That would be ok for me. Maybe it is not good for other people if a couple waits... but we can wait.I know that not every guy thinks like me.”
4- What would u feel and think if Lilly would get pregnant sooner?
His answer:” I would feel happy and proud. ”

5- u are organizing everything this week and next one and u hope that u have time.Is this true?Is it a big surprise or what?Is it a big wedding propose?
His answer:” Well, its not so easy. And I think in how to do everything. But I will tell you when I'm finished with it. I want to make everything perfect. Well, I have a lot to do at university, too. Therefore it takes some time.”

6- Are u sure u only want Lilly for the rest of your life?
His answer:”Yes”

7- what would u feel if other guy would be with Lilly(not saying it will happen….and everyone knows that she loves u too much)? I mean if u loose her!!
His answer:”I trust her too much. but to answer your question.I would be very depressed and would doubt of myself. Because I would think, that I'm not a good bf. “

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who said that sex is way to get into a man's heart? certainly not me. You generalised by saying they 'women shouldn't have sex with a man until they are in a committed relationship' or words to that effect.

Yes, SOME people ARE happy without sex. That is all I can say on that. In the same way some people can have the most amazing sex lives and one or the other still strays! So agree, you never know what goes on beyond the closed bedroom door!

What exactly is a fairy tale ending? Does anyone have them?

You can laugh your a off all you want but fact is nobody actually knows, not even you 'smarty pants' how this will end. We can advise all we want but nobody knows for sure although you kind of think you have some kind of superior knowledge?

I totally agree that many people split because of sexual incompatibility....what I was saying was IF there is compatibility it doesn't matter whether they are at it like rabbits or just kiss and cuddle and enjoy each others company!

Incidentally SEX does NOT strengthen any bond...if it did there would be no affairs and broken hearted mistresses (or male equivalents) would there? How many people in affairs proclaim "but the sex was mind blowing"? Doesn't keep them in a relationship does it and also doesn't stop people straying.

Wow you know this because your two brothers are divorce lawyers? Well you must know it all then pmsl..... My world is not small hon.

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I thought I would just follow this up dontaskme and clarify....Many men proclaim to have sexless marriage to an unsuspecting potential mistress. The mistress then obliges in the bedroom department and their sex life is wonderful - so she thinks - Does this form a bond? Absolutely not, nearly all affairs grind to a messy halt when the wife finds out and the husband chooses to stay with the sexless, loveless marriage! (am using the women but I know it happens to men also).

Not only that but many wives will have no knowledge of this alleged sexless, loveless marriage as their marriage has been perfect in their eyes.

Even if it isn't the men, more often than not will stay with their wives, good bad or indifferent so no, I can't agree that good sex necessarily keeps a relationship in tact in the same way that a life without sex automatically dictates failure! A true relationship is so much more than sex and although you (and possibly myself too as I am not speaking about myself) find it hard to believe anyone can form a relationship unless sex is involved. I don't think anyone can 'generalise' and if Lily and her partner are happy with things the way they are who is anyone else to accuse them of being freaks or trolls for that matter? Lily will sort it out in her own time, in her own way. That is all...

Yes,thats true!!Read my bf answers here and this will show why he wants to wait!he knows i was raped when i was younger and a few years ago too by someone of family.Thats why he have careful with this!
Thank you for your support! We will win this and show everyone

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^^^Lol to your response. If Lilly wasn't a troll I would totally get into your head and continue with this debate but clearly, the OP isn't worth the time anymore.

I'll see you on the next thread!

Ok,then tell me why am i a troll?Can you tell me?If you read my bf answer in a post before you will see why he wants to wait.is not because he doesn’t want it.Is because he respects me.

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Well you're not in one of those.
Then why are you so angst ridden that you had to start a thread asking strangers what was wrong with your relationship... that it seems he's not into you anymore.
Oh... but that is not what you said in your opening post.

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Words without action are JUST WORDS. Have you seen him or are you going to wait until its six months before you see any of the results of what HIS WORDS promise?

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P.S. If he doesn't put his schlong inside you... you'll never see "your children" never mind seeing them "soon." *rolls eyes*

Sorry but what do you mean with “well,you’re not in one of those”?
hey,I was only wondering why is he behaving weird because a friend told me that guys usually behave like this before they propose…I didn’t say this with bad intention!!Cant you understand English?I can speak Japanese and german too if you need it!!I love my bf very much!
We will meet each other next weekend after his exams.And I know that actions are important….thats why he told me he will show me that he is being sincere.
I kow we have to sex to have children!!We are not that ignorant.And we want 4.But read his answers to the questions and you will understand why he is waiting!!
I was raped and he fears to scare me or hurt me!Have u ever beem raped to know what a rape victim feel like about sex?No,I bet not!I can tell you,is very difficult to move on and forget.But I’m doing it step by step.