This is my first post, so i want to start by greeting everyone. I hope everyone's doing allright. I also posted in another forum and copy-pasted the text directly to here. All of these are written by me but it is a long post so i had to copy-paste it.

I am Turkish, 25 years old and i'm studying engineering, in Istanbul. Except for the government, the city is wonderful. It is an almost 2500 years old city, full of history. Economy in Istanbul is doing fine at the moment, growing rapidly. All in all, my life is just fine, i'm doing okay. I don't have an exceptional kind of life but i'm happy with it. Besides, the city is great, i really do feel special when i walk on the Theodosian Walls or having a breakfast with Hagia Sofia within my sight, it is like living the history. The government is bad, but we're nevertheless all functional and one day we'll get rid of them, i'm sure. I think that's enough for introduction, i don't really want to bother you with a long post and it is long enough to reflect my life as "okay".

But one thing in my life, has been extremely difficult: girls and intimate relationships.

I am fairly confident that humans are social beings who need and enjoy company. Whether in the form of a close friend, or a lover, we need it. Well sometimes people choose to live alone but they're rare. Everyone has a circle of people that they share their lives with. And the vast majority of people actually marry, eventually, if not after college graduation. Humans also have an elevated understanding of the sex. It is much more meaningful for us than other creatures. Well, in short i really define a normal, healthy life (of course on average, i respect people who don't opt for this) as what a person who has friends and relationships (and sex) to the point of satisfaction, lives. Of course it not that simple to define life but for everything else we all have a common understanding. Like, finding a job, earning money for a living, hobbies, cinema, literature, philosopy, etc. I really don't feel normal because i lack the part of "interaction with the opposite-sex". I have friends who are great, but they're all males. I have absolutely no sex life. But it is not just sex, i really don't have a girlfriends to just share my feelings. Sex has never been my primary goal, i am actually quite sensitive and i feel the necessity to express that in the form of "romantic" love.

A few weeks ago i really stumbled upon a girl that makes me feel happy when i'm with her. I'm not really forcing myself to feel like this, this feeling is completely natural. I can't help it, i like her. I'm aware that i HAVE to get to know her more than this for a serious relationship, but i like her nevertheless. I'm happy with her at the moment and it is enough for dating, at least to me, it is. But i just can't.

Now let's do a quick simple analysis:

First of all, what i lack is attraction. I REALLY REALLY can't be confident about how i look, not matter what i do or how i try to think. I am very short, that's for sure. I'm about 165 cm. or 5'5". Measurement is independent of what i think. But i also think that my body is ill proportioned. That may not be true because there's no measurement of this, but i definitely feel that way. Furthermore, my legs aren't straight, they're healthy but curved. I don't like it at all. Besides my body, my facial features aren't really good looking. My nose is really ugly, or maybe it is not that bad but it looks like it is to me. (No measurement here again.) But it is definitely curved a bit. (A bridged nose.) It may not be an extremely bridged case but it is not straight either. But it is enough to make me feel bad about it and definitely enough to destroy my self-confidence. These things that i mentioned are my primary obsessions with my body.

Besides the primary ones, i also have what i consider as weak points. I'm not sure about them, i definitely doubt their quality. For example, my face in terms of proportions. It looks a bit weird to me.
And also i have oily skin. I don't have acne at all and i have very few blackheads sometimes. But i'm fine about this, i doesn't really bother me a lot.

That's all about my physique. But i have some good qualities as well. I really don't like telling them straightly, because i will sound like a bad mannered person. But i have to.
I'm extremely intelligent and very successful. Except for the relationships, i am definitely very confident. And i demonstrated that (to myself, not to the girl i'm talking about) in many occasions. I have a really good memory which helps me a lot in almost everything i do. I can even recall phone numbers sometimes by seeing them only once. Of course my memory doesn't always work very well, it is not perfect. But i read a lot and it helps me a lot in remembering them. I know a lot about philosophy, history, political history of my native Turkey, mathematics, mechanics (IC engines, jet engines, field artillery, main battle tanks, rockets, space missions etc.) and electronics (well this is what i study anyways.) I can very easily do projects in electronics because i design things in my head before i start planning. That happens automatically, which really surprises me everytime it happens.

I am also doing okay socially, i have no problem talking to people. Although i sometimes struggle when i'm talking to girls because i'm being afraid that they might think that i'm trying to be friends because i like them. But other than that, i really don't have a problem. I can do everything i want with people, except for anything close with girls.

But my qualities don't help me as much as i need them to. I know, i sound like introducing a trade agreement, but it is not, believe me. I don't really think that this kind of a calculation is everything about love, i don't. Intimacy, affection, honesty, dependability, caring about things, being good mannered, have a lot of way to go. But i just can't trust those qualities alone. I consider them to be of utmost importance, but that's just me. I just know that girls would demand more than those. Even though i am honest, good mannered and dependable i just think that it is not enough.

I think i'm an isolated case, or a rare one. I can't really solve this problem. Every problem my life had a point of exploitation that i can use to correct things. I got over everything, i fought OCD and OCD related depression which was terrible. But i'm really desperate now.

Actually, you know what i think, i think the situation is not ambiguous for me. I think i believe that i can't do it. That's what it is. Everything i mentioned, every single process results in my failure.

I would really want to hear what you think. Anything you say will be of help. Thanks in advance.