Need help getting over my now ex ?!

[Xelah]

Hey again forum <3
If you have replied on any of my previous threads you will know whats been going on but if not feel free to look anyway to cut to the point , me and my now ex have decided to call it quits and just move on forever so last night we said goodbye forever and we have blocked each other on everything so thats it now me and her are finished forever ..anyway its obviously so hard and i am still heartbroken and it will probs take months to get over her as we did go out for 6 months!! and it was a great relationship and she was my 1st ever love and i lost my V to her and all that .. but i just want tips, advice and anything to help me thats going to get me over her and quick because i really just wanna move on with my life and find someone new but another thing is like if i ever go to the town where she lives again it will remind me of her no matter how long we have been apart and and im just scared will never get over her as she was my 1st love please help me guys i just wanna get over her and quick thank you <3

[TheEvilJester]

I know it isn't what you wanted to do, but from what I read in your other thread, I think breaking up was the right thing for you to do. You certainly do not deserve to be hurt by somebody who is supposed to be there for you more than anybody in the world. Your significant other should be the person there for you when you are hurting, not be the one causing the hurt.

I really wish I could offer some kind of magic bullet for you here, but the truth is the only thing that will help is time. I wish I could tell you differently, but it is going to hurt for a little while. Breaking up is never easy, especially when it is your first love.

Trust me, though, it will be okay. In time, you will start to heal and realize you are better off without her. What will REALLY help is when you finally meet somebody who will treat you the way you deserve. Who will treat you like their one and only, not like an option.

You don't want to rush that, though. By your own admission, you are not over your ex yet. Understandably so, since you just broke up. So you really shouldn't worry about finding somebody else yet. Trust me, I think we all know how this feels. You just want to rush out and find somebody else so you can go back to feeling in love again, but that can be a big mistake. You never want to be somebody's "rebound" and you never want to do that to somebody else either. You may just wind up making similar mistakes because you are too eager just to have a relationship again.

You need to give yourself time to heal. You need to also take time to reflect on your past relationship. What worked in it? What did not work? What did you do wrong that you could improve? What did she do wrong that you want to avoid in a future relationship? What things about her were deal breakers for you, so you can avoid just winding up with somebody who will have the same problems that caused the end of this relationship?

You need to give yourself time to do all that. But, trust me, in time you will be okay. I know it may not seem that way now, but in time she will barely be a blip in your radar. For now, she probably consumes almost all of your thoughts. Before too long, you'll barely ever think of her again. She'll just be a part of your past. Some fond memories, some not so great, but most importantly part of your past. Not your future. Your future is looking brighter than ever now that you are out of a relationship that was not good for you.

Good luck, my friend.

[Xelah]

Thanks so much Jester ! you should be a relationship specialist haha thanks man

[Xelah]

Btw guys im really worried too ..like i just want to get out there and party and have fun and have a great social life .. but unfortunately this seems impossible as i dont really have any proper friends so im stuck in a dead lock like how can i go out to clubs and party without no friends ? and how do i go out and do things without no friends and i go to college but there not really people i would be friends with outside of college and i dont work so i dont get how im ment to get out of this mess

[TikiStyles]

Time heals all wounds. Most of us tend to disregard our friends while in relationships. As time passes you will make new friends, meet new girls, and life will go on. You can speed up this process by hanging out with your college friends even if you don't think they have potential to be long term friends. The greater your network is the faster you will get over your ex and the sooner you will meet someone new that interested you.

[Xelah]

Thanks bro .. im like having "mid life crisis" but a start life crisis hahahaha lol i just wanna get out and party and make new friends

[pcmaster]

Check this guide and bottom video(last video really starts at 2:00 minutes)

loveforum.net/the-relationship-news-and-articles/85672-guide-deal-breakup.html

Check also the good videos I looked up for you

Real social dynamics - Julien
youtube.com/watch?v=GdnYedTpToA

youtube.com/watch?v=KriZHsiiYPg

How to deal with a bad breakup
youtube.com/watch?v=K8Exlo4E5v8


What more can you do is visit psihotherapist or get counseling for you problem. Talking with someone proffesional or friend will help. You have to let this out of your system and get advice in real world. So it will be more effective help for you.

I suggest you visit gym. The sport is good medicine as well.

[TheEvilJester]

Something that could be a big help is to start to get into some hobbies you enjoy. Preferably something that can involve other people. That is a good way to start hanging with people and meet potential new friends. That can also help to get your mind off of things when you are going through tough times. Not only that, but it can also help to rebuild your confidence. Take it from somebody who has struggled with self-esteem issues his whole life.... When you start realizing that a lot of people seem to think you are a good dude, it starts to become hard not to think maybe they are right.

Again, though, time is your friend in this case. As I said, and as others have said, all break-ups hurt initially. In time, though, you will move on and realize you are better off. It is a million times better to be alone than it is to be stuck in the wrong relationship. And that doesn't even compare to how much better it is when you find the right relationship. Good luck.

[breathe123]

It should be easier than some have it because you said you do not live in the same town, so no bumping into the other like most couples suffer that live in the same city now maybe take up a sport you can do several nights weekly with others, & that will help you make new friends to occupy your time & mind since breaking up. Who decided to have zero contact, her or you, or mutual? also don't keep her photos around, take them off your computer & phone.

[woody]

There is no quick fix. Rejoice in the notion that you have a heart capable of hurting and feeling sadness over a loss like this. She was your first love right? Some people never quite get over their first love.

Just be thankful for time shared and know, there is no fast lane for healing these kind of wounds

[TheEvilJester]

Good advice, Woody. I love your enthusiasm. That is definitely great advice that I really need to hold onto myself. At least one silver-lining in being hurt is the ability to know you still care enough that somebody could hurt you like this. The trick is finding the person who very well could hurt you.... but never will. The person who would rather hurt themselves than to ever hurt you.

I don't think mine exists. I've become convinced that my person is the "Evil Jester" side of me. The Mr. Hyde to my Dr. Jekyll, if you will. Even so, I still believe there is somebody out there for everybody, and you will find yours some day. Don't settle for somebody who would hurt you and just think that is okay.

[woody]

^^ yes, what he said.

T.E.J, your lady is out there somewhere right now. You went through a doozy of a past relationship which obviously requires healing time. I hope your getting out there now and then.

but yes, to the O.P, be thankful you have a heart but as TheEvilJester says, the trick is finding someone who can hurt you but does not. Someone who has your heart in their hands but would never do anything to hurt it, that's the kicker.
it does exist. I believe for each of us.

[TheEvilJester]

Thanks, Woody. Appreciate the kind words. You are awesome. I always enjoy seeing your thoughtful and caring advice on these boards.

Just a note, it wasn't actually my past relationship that put me in the dark mood I've been in for a while. In fact, getting out of that relationship had exactly the opposite effect. I felt like a new man. Better than I'd EVER felt in my life. Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes in a bright blaze of glory. So, for a little while, I just enjoyed being me, and being free.

My mistake was thinking I could go back to being human. Monsters don't get the fairly tale ending. Maybe I'm not all monster, but he is in there.

It's okay, though. I am getting used to the idea. I'm starting to feel better and realize that I'll just have to be happy with me.

But, it hasn't and will never change who I am. I still believe there is somebody out there for everybody, even if I do not believe that includes me. So, again to Xelah I say good luck in finding yours. You sound a decent fella, and you deserve somebody who will cherish having your heart, not relish the ability to hurt you and think they can get away with it.