Shall i tell her?

[Bizzle]

irst of all i am new to this so thanks for reading and helping me with my dilemma.
I started talking to this girl at the start of the year who works for a company where we order our parts from for work. She is my contact so i speak to her everyday regarding what parts I need, its a bit like a 'Gavin and Stacey' situation. Anyway I thought i'd search for her on facebook as we were getting quite friendly, this was after 4 months of speaking. I added her on facebook and then basically we spoke pretty much everyday. if we weren't talking at work we would message each other on a night. Anyway i thought one night I'd look through her photos and she appeared to have quite alot of photos with the same guy, when i asked who this guy was it is her boyfriend. She has been going out with this guy two and a half years now and has just moved in with him. Once I found it she had a boyfriend i backed off completely because i thought that obviously this wasnt going to be anymore then just a friendship. But!!! she messages me everyday sometimes twice a day. if i dont message her after a few days she will send me a message saying: "hey, your quiet? everything ok?" this girl is driving me crazy!! we both have similar interests and we just understand each other. The dilemma I'm in is do i tell her that i want to be more then friends even though she has a boyfriend? i know your probably thinking 'well yeah' but i have to speak to this girl everyday so i don't want to tell her and it be very awkward from there on. if i didn't have to speak to her everyday I'd tell her. The thing is she is quite a shy and timid kind of girl so she isnt looking for attention or anything like that. Some of my friends think that she likes me but doesnt have the courage to dump her boyfriend.

what does everyone think?

the conclusion: we both speak everyday, i really like her. She has a boyfriend but do i tell her i like her?

oh by the way we have never met either.

Thanks guys much appreciated.

[surfhb]

Just be honest with her the next time she ask why you're so quiet

It's so annoying that girls don't understand that guys contact you when were interested. Then wonder why we back off when were blown off. Jeesh

[Bizzle]

Just be honest with her the next time she ask why you're so quiet

It's so annoying that girls don't understand that guys contact you when were interested. Then wonder why we back off when were blown off. Jeesh

when you say be honest with her? you mean tell her i like her?

i dotn really understand your last bit. Remember when we starting talking we were just friends, obviously still are.

[PJL]

One of the hardest things at times to do is honor others relationships. Life is weird in that if we show disrespect for others' relationships by trying to court another person away from their partner, then we open ourselves to the exact same situation against us in the future. In other words, if you try and take a girl away from her guy, the time may come when some other guy tries to do the same to your girl. If/when that happens, you will have no reason to complain as it was a tactic that you also employed.

If she leaves him for you, could you trust her to never do the same to you? Would you respect her more if she demonstrates that loyalty and fidelity are so important to her that she must politely deny your interest? One of the hardest lessons for men to learn is that sometimes a woman is friendly just because she is a friendly person and feels comfortable in a platonic way to other men, even while they are in a romantic relationship. Its called being a healthy balanced person. I made the mistake often when I was younger of assuming just because a girl smiled at me, chatted with me, had much in common and sought out conversation with me, that it meant she liked me more than just friends. Yes, at times she did, not the great majority of the time, she just saw me as a friend. I embarrassed myself many times asking these women out. Boy my surprise when they were suddenly made uncomfortable by my suggestion to go out!

When you asked about the guy, she openly told you it was her BF and that they live together after 2.5 years. That is a relationship that is going in the direction of greater commitment and sharing of daily domestic life. Time will tell, but for your own sense of integrity, please consider keeping it platonic for now. If its meant to be, it must happen organically between you, not by telling her of your attraction for her. Now that she has told you of her romantic status, to ignore that and tell her of your interest anyway will look to her like you are barging into her life and disrespecting her intimate life.

Given all that, there are things you can do to find out if she digs you or not. if she asks you again why you have been absent on text or FB, simply tell her you were dealing with romantic issues that preoccupied your time. If she asks what they were, tell her that you had previously met someone that you felt fond about but found out that she was in a relationship. Tell her is was a disappointment but life moves on. See what she says. If she counsels you through it, she is definitely your work buddy/contact/friend. If she doesn't even ask more and politely does not inquire further, she is definitely showing respect for your privacy or she might suspect that it is her that you were referring to. If so, sense her reply and subsequent interaction with you.

Remember, if you just tell her your feelings, it may freak her out and she and you have to interact unavoidably in a work situation. Dont make your work life suck too. Also keep in mind this fact:

lets say you tell her your feelings. Lets say she is flattered and keeps the dialog open with you and time passes, getting to know each other more and more. If she decides to go deeper with you, it will mean she will break up with a man. It will mean great turmoils for both of them. She will really really look deeply at you to see if all that is worth it. She will want to know who you really are. It will mean that she will have to pack, move out, find an apt and move in. This takes day or weeks and takes an emotional toll. Remember you havent met her in person yet. You think you know her. But being in the flesh is another type of knowing in relationships.

At this moment in her life she is happy. She has a man, a relationship and has friends including you. If in time, her relationship sours, if she finds they can not live together and decides to move out, then you can tell her your feelings as you would have shown yourself to be a person who respected her life and relationship. that is something she probably can find attractive and admirable.

For now, I would use this time to quietly observe her and get to know her. In time, you will see even more about her that will help you determine if she should stay a work acquaintance, friend or romantic interest. I hope this helps you see it from a different perspective.

PJL

[Bizzle]

One of the hardest things at times to do is honor others relationships. Life is weird in that if we show disrespect for others' relationships by trying to court another person away from their partner, then we open ourselves to the exact same situation against us in the future. In other words, if you try and take a girl away from her guy, the time may come when some other guy tries to do the same to your girl. If/when that happens, you will have no reason to complain as it was a tactic that you also employed.

If she leaves him for you, could you trust her to never do the same to you? Would you respect her more if she demonstrates that loyalty and fidelity are so important to her that she must politely deny your interest? One of the hardest lessons for men to learn is that sometimes a woman is friendly just because she is a friendly person and feels comfortable in a platonic way to other men, even while they are in a romantic relationship. Its called being a healthy balanced person. I made the mistake often when I was younger of assuming just because a girl smiled at me, chatted with me, had much in common and sought out conversation with me, that it meant she liked me more than just friends. Yes, at times she did, not the great majority of the time, she just saw me as a friend. I embarrassed myself many times asking these women out. Boy my surprise when they were suddenly made uncomfortable by my suggestion to go out!

When you asked about the guy, she openly told you it was her BF and that they live together after 2.5 years. That is a relationship that is going in the direction of greater commitment and sharing of daily domestic life. Time will tell, but for your own sense of integrity, please consider keeping it platonic for now. If its meant to be, it must happen organically between you, not by telling her of your attraction for her. Now that she has told you of her romantic status, to ignore that and tell her of your interest anyway will look to her like you are barging into her life and disrespecting her intimate life.

Given all that, there are things you can do to find out if she digs you or not. if she asks you again why you have been absent on text or FB, simply tell her you were dealing with romantic issues that preoccupied your time. If she asks what they were, tell her that you had previously met someone that you felt fond about but found out that she was in a relationship. Tell her is was a disappointment but life moves on. See what she says. If she counsels you through it, she is definitely your work buddy/contact/friend. If she doesn't even ask more and politely does not inquire further, she is definitely showing respect for your privacy or she might suspect that it is her that you were referring to. If so, sense her reply and subsequent interaction with you.

Remember, if you just tell her your feelings, it may freak her out and she and you have to interact unavoidably in a work situation. Dont make your work life suck too. Also keep in mind this fact:

lets say you tell her your feelings. Lets say she is flattered and keeps the dialog open with you and time passes, getting to know each other more and more. If she decides to go deeper with you, it will mean she will break up with a man. It will mean great turmoils for both of them. She will really really look deeply at you to see if all that is worth it. She will want to know who you really are. It will mean that she will have to pack, move out, find an apt and move in. This takes day or weeks and takes an emotional toll. Remember you havent met her in person yet. You think you know her. But being in the flesh is another type of knowing in relationships.

At this moment in her life she is happy. She has a man, a relationship and has friends including you. If in time, her relationship sours, if she finds they can not live together and decides to move out, then you can tell her your feelings as you would have shown yourself to be a person who respected her life and relationship. that is something she probably can find attractive and admirable.

For now, I would use this time to quietly observe her and get to know her. In time, you will see even more about her that will help you determine if she should stay a work acquaintance, friend or romantic interest. I hope this helps you see it from a different perspective.

PJL

this was a massive help PJL some very helpful information here. I completely agree about the about her leaving her man to be with me. I have told myself that before but the more i speak to her the more feelings i get and then up forgetting about that. i think i need to just slow down with the messages appreciate that she is in a relationship and move on? i always fall for girls to easy and then up getting hurt

[surfhb]

You weren't friends at all. Friends are people you hang out with, tell your stories of problems and happiness too. People who are deeply rooted in your life.

You were just colleagues who talked on the phone. You became interested and you pursued her. She told you she was in a relationship and you backed off.

If she asked just tell her you were kinda interested in asking her out but backed off when you heard she was taken. What normal women wouldn't be flattered by that? It's a win win for you . Btw.....do you think her boyfriend would be thrilled to know his live in gf is texting some other guy twice a day? Doubtful

Move on and just appreciate who she is.....a nice girl whom you have a strong working relationship with.

[Bizzle]

You weren't friends at all. Friends are people you hang out with, tell your stories of problems and happiness too. People who are deeply rooted in your life.

You were just colleagues who talked on the phone. You became interested and you pursued her. She told you she was in a relationship and you backed off.

If she asked just tell her you were kinda interested in asking her out but backed off when you heard she was taken. What normal women wouldn't be flattered by that? It's a win win for you

Move on and just appreciate who she is.....a nice girl whom you have a strong working relationship with

ah very clever!!

- - - Updated - - -

You weren't friends at all. Friends are people you hang out with, tell your stories of problems and happiness too. People who are deeply rooted in your life.

You were just colleagues who talked on the phone. You became interested and you pursued her. She told you she was in a relationship and you backed off.

If she asked just tell her you were kinda interested in asking her out but backed off when you heard she was taken. What normal women wouldn't be flattered by that? It's a win win for you . Btw.....do you think her boyfriend would be thrilled to know his live in gf is texting some other guy twice a day? Doubtful

Move on and just appreciate who she is.....a nice girl whom you have a strong working relationship with.

the only problem with this is we've been talking via facebook etc since april it might be a little to late to say that seen as i know she's had a boyfriend since around june time.

[surfhb]

Then keep talking to her. It's your life

If you feel ok talking to a girl who lives with another guy be my guest.

If not then back off.....she'll understand. Regardless, who cares what she thinks or wants. This is about you. What do you want?

[Bizzle]

Then keep talking to her. It's your life

If you feel ok talking to a girl who lives with another guy be my guest.

If not then back off.....she'll understand. Regardless, who cares what she thinks or wants. This is about you. What do you want?

ideally I'd want to be with her but she drives me crazy thats why i keep talking to her. but i think i have to keep talking to her because of work.

[surfhb]

Well that's life bro. We can't always have what we want

[Bizzle]

Well that's life bro. We can't always have what we want

nooooo! ha.

[PJL]

Surf HB has a point I forgot to mention: Yeah, she is texting you a lot and she lives with a guy. How you you feel if you were this female and you found out after 2 years and co-habitatiing that she was texting and FBing another man? How would you feel?

Is she doing something with or without integrity here? There is always the chance that she texts openly in front of him and maybe she even tells him that you're a work colleague. But I doubt it very much. If she had gotten flirty or used innuendo then you can bet this is happening in secret and is a clear sign of what her character is. Its easy to rationalize it away, because you like her and think its OK because you are meant to be.

I ask you because you want a devoted girl yes? One you can trust and is loyal to you?

If you continue to speak with her you risk the continual heartbreak of not being able to express yourself with her. We've been there, its not easy but its still easier than trusting her and getting heartbroken down the line. Watch her actions and and her words and discern her level of integrity and emotional maturity. Some women (and men) just like to feel wanted and desired even if they already are in a relationship. Are you just an ego boost to her so she can feel good about herself?

Regardless of how you proceed, you will learn a great deal about yourself. Like SurfHB said, What do YOU want? Its your wave man.

PJL

[moneyspills]

She has a man, a relationship and has friends including you. If in time, her relationship sours, if she finds they can not live together and decides to move out, then you can tell her your feelings as you would have shown yourself to be a person who respected her life and relationship. that is something she probably can find attractive and admirable.









[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWjEVf6v2CU]How to Make an Ex Like You Again[/url]

[dontaskme]

She has a man, a relationship and has friends including you. If in time, her relationship sours, if she finds they can not live together and decides to move out, then you can tell her your feelings as you would have shown yourself to be a person who respected her life and relationship. that is something she probably can find attractive and admirable.









[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWjEVf6v2CU]How to Make an Ex Like You Again[/url]

Do you always echo what everybody writes? That is called plagiarism!

[woody]

Dear O.p

Yeah, little red flag there. Hey man, if she is kinda flirty with you and she has a man already, well, gee, great. You see the red flag right?
I've been with my sweetheart for about 3 and a half years, living together for last 3 in a home he bought for us. He gets curious when I go onto this site and though I won 't share what I write due to others privacy, he does know I message others from time to time. He is fine with that. I don't flirt.

Maybe this girls man knows she's texting you? FB ing. Still, actually exchanging personal info like this rather than an anonymous board is different i.m.o. We are all anonymous here, helping (or trying to) others around the globe.

This girl has a man. Karma can be quite the b___h. I'd tread carefully if I were in your shoes. Maybe find a lady who isn't involved.